Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, who I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
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Top comments
ZY1431 24
well id say if he has to bug you for sex and you finding it great that he wont be bugging you for sex, there's a problem.
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well, your husband had the balls to go ahead with the bet. Whether he still literally has the balls is another question though.
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Comments (101)
hayleyblack2u71 21
Wow...that's one bet I would NEVER agree to.
pharm121 21
I kinda feel that if you think it's "bothersome or bugging" for your husband to want sex with you...there is a different problem in your relationship.
He11Rais3r 2
Just wanted to say that you forgot the word **the** before to and Hospital. Just saying proof read before you post please.
YepThatsMeee 23
Wow, a polite grammar Nazi! Anyway I think you meant between, not before. So the same advice applies to you...
blazeone666 12
I think the real problem here is that you're glad he doesn't have to beg you for sex now
demonfacee 14
It sucks that you're married to someone with the IQ of a potato.
Sketchisan 27
For everyone saying that him begging for sex is as big a problem, maybe they don't have the same sex drive. Or maybe he treats her like a hole in the wall to plug his johnson into. Maybe he has shit timing. Or, maybe, she's frigid and should at least try to make the effort. We don't know their sex life, so we can't judge. I had a boyfriend once who would literally stop me in the middle of doing my homework to try to get laid. Like, sorry, boning's not my top priority if I'm stressing about my grades. Not even in my top thirty when I'm trying to get things done. Nothing to do with not enjoying sex and everything to do with being annoyed that every time he had an urge, I was supposed to stop doing everything I was doing to satisfy him or something. So, yeah, we just don't know.
kieralumina 30
Some people don't like sex. It's pretty simple. Just like the fact that some people don't like apples.
the_steven 6
Jeez you sound evil. Be glad he bugs you for it instead of finding someone who enjoys it, or more importantly can tell him how to help her enjoy it. Be glad If he doesn't read fml, who'd want to be with someone who made sex sound like a chore? Lol
doumtabarnack 12
Bugging you for sex? Wow your life seems sooooo interesting.
sthrnbell 9
What an idiot!