Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, who I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
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Top comments
ZY1431 24
well id say if he has to bug you for sex and you finding it great that he wont be bugging you for sex, there's a problem.
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well, your husband had the balls to go ahead with the bet. Whether he still literally has the balls is another question though.
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Comments (101)
ladoom 23
OP not wanting to have sex with your "moron" husband is kind of a big deal. (Also, finding him a moron simply because of a bet is another issue. You should probably worry about that more than a few burns around the delicates. They say, do crazy things with your hair whilst you still have the hair to do it.
syed121417 22
On one hand your husband did something stupid. I don't understand why some guys make these kind of bets with each other. FYL On another hand, you talk about sex with your husband like you don't enjoy it and don't want it. If you aren't sexually attracted to you husband, then that is a sign of a problem in the marriage. FYL even further.
blackonblight 33
Believe it or not, romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same nor are they mutually inclusive. Someone can be romantically attracted to an individual without being sexually attracted to them. Assuming a lack of sexual attraction in a relationship is -always- a problem is ignorant and causes a lot of pain to alloromantic asexuals. Days like this I'm glad I'm aro-ace, and don't have to deal with those comments hurting me specifically.
mooneydennehy 4
Put your husband and yourself out of misery. Either do something to make sex with him fun or move on. I'm sure sex with you is no fun either.
tashinaherne 11
Wow! Idk how that's an upside?... Shit, I just broke up with my bf this morning after almost two years because he hasn't initiated sex in over 2 months.. Ain't nobody got time for that!
davincidasecond 24
You really don't sound like you like your husband that much.
megadki14 6
if he has to really beg for sex, what does that say about your marriage already?
JACK_QUII 8
huh good to know, I always wonder about burning my pubes. I guess I won't be trying it out. trial and error go a long way. haha good luck OP
itcomesinthrees 10
It's an upside that your husband won't want to have sex with you..? I can't keep my hands off my husband most nights, I would consider that a downside!
maruca 9
He's a keeper
mika2133 0
Well....bugging you for sex....it shouldn't be bugging you at all, he's your husband. If he has to bug you for it you're the one doing something wrong. But funny story though.