Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, who I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
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Top comments
ZY1431 24
well id say if he has to bug you for sex and you finding it great that he wont be bugging you for sex, there's a problem.
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well, your husband had the balls to go ahead with the bet. Whether he still literally has the balls is another question though.
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Comments (101)
Mystery_Unsolved 16
Yeah and I bet you most people would have more common sense than to take a bet where you have to burn your pubes with a lighter.
Puddingcess07 9
What a happy marriage
olpally 33
Please don't breed with him. the stupid is just too much for you to handle. :/ yikes!
figgity83 15
Yes your husband is a moron and deserves the pain but really if he has to beg you for sex then maybe he can do better than you
IAmzephyr 22
shots fired
orbit 22
More like cannons fired
RobinGoodfellow 47
Because all relationships are about sex?? She doesn't owe him sex. Maybe he sucks at it.
Tymaster5 22
More like nuclear weapons fired
regib 8
Then that's on her for not telling him what she likes. My marriage isn't all about sex but I'd be ticked if my husband did something that and I lost out!
penel96 15
How old is your husband?
wanted_2_want 40
The explanation he has give to the ER nurses. Hilarious!!!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
No sex is an UP side?
Lancer033 5
for some that stupid not to breed is good for the entire human race.
xxNIGHTxx_fml 17
hopefully he learned his lesson, OP!
grtfuldeadlovr 27
Lets all hope he hasnt reproduced with anyone yet including yourself.
NeoMatrix25 12
Sad thing is, somewhere at some point in time, these "people" will be in charge of important parts of our lives that we depend on. First its burning off your own pubes, next they are raising taxes and cutting old age pensions and then...the world!