Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, who I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
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Top comments
ZY1431 24
well id say if he has to bug you for sex and you finding it great that he wont be bugging you for sex, there's a problem.
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well, your husband had the balls to go ahead with the bet. Whether he still literally has the balls is another question though.
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Comments (101)
deademolover 19
what's with married women not
deademolover 19
what's with married women not wanting to have sex? thats the number one reason why guys cheat on their wives and then the wives still have the balls to ask what they did wrong and why their husband cheated. sorry got cut off
shepp626 11
Like everything else in a relationship, sex has it's ups and downs. A man or woman is never, ever, ever required to have sex when they do not feel like it. What's with men thinking they can demand sex whenever they want, put in basically no effort, and if they don't get it immediately use it as an excuse to cheat? There is never an excuse to cheat in a marriage. Need to get your rocks off? Try some foreplay or bust out the ****.
deademolover 19
im not saying they should have sex five times a day or anything i get it sometimes you just dont want to but they always use the same excuses im tired or my head hurts why dont they just take a pill and have a quick five minute quickie? or tell your spouse why you really dont want to have sex they dont communicate they dont have sex or anything then they get divorced sex is something beautiful why not try spicing it up most of them just lay there like a ******* corpse do something try different stuff but dont avoid it be honest about it i mean im a female and i love sex
BlindlyWandering 17
I agree, your husband is a moron. lol
FemskyD 26
Shaving is sooo 2014 :')
maruca 9
morons are usually the best you should feel lucky
kayteakay 26
Never welch on a bet.
vikky538 29
probably by now your car smells like burnt hair...
Faunathan 0
Lol marines will do this kind of shit once they bored enough, YouTube that shit
everlastingsnow_fml 14
what an ape of a husband.
CaliGali 9
I'd lose my mind too if I had to bug my spouse sex. Sex is an important part to keep a healthy relationship.
blackonblight 33
Or, yanno, not. Understanding and accommodating sex drives, perhaps, but sex itself isn't.