Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
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Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
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Comments (262)
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
did you give it cab change??
FreebirdIII 1
Is your vacuum broken?
miume16 0
lol funny
awesomechica1229 5
"I said don't disturb me when I'm cleaning my room!"
xyz700 5
Don't sleep naked?
mcxhunni 0
is that a question?
sassypants93 17
Well not with that attitude!!
theSil 0
40 yr old virgin?
klutzyduck1 24
If you think that a mosquito bite makes your penis look bigger, I feel sorry for you...how small can you be if that is true? FYL. Not feeding into stereotypes or anything.
klutzyduck1 24
This was meant for #6, I'm not sure what happened.
Banana_Pancakes6 0
that was such a stereotype joke, don't lie ;)
teameminem 2
"You are not missing out on much dude" Hmmm... last time I checked, oral was one of of the best things a girl could do for a guy, so to say that he isn't missing out on much is kind of a lie, unless of course he doesn't like pleasure..
krysxkatastrophe 14
I can't imagine how uncomfortable that will be when it starts to itch!
BamBarBiYaKergud 2
u sleep naked? why? and mosquito wad gay I think.
Darcon 8
*WAS gay. And only females bite
llCHR15ll 0
it's only the female mosquitoes that go out in search of blood. you should really try getting your facts right in future.
llCHR15ll 0
ah shit, I didn't realise darkens comment. *feels silly*
llCHR15ll 0
darcon*
saint556 4
that is just a stupid comment. he's missing out on one of the greatest things ever.