Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
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Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
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Comments (262)
bluegoldfish 7
i think theres a lot to be said for the mosquito. it won't give you crabs...
QwertyMcNugget 0
YouDeserveIt for misuse of a semicolon.
psychokid429 0
lol now its going to look like your gettin a second penis
sourgirl101 29
Keevarou, I enjoy reading many of your comments, and it's refreshing to see a guy that doesn't think with only their **** but the body is designed to enjoy touch as one of your senses. I don't understand why you're so jaded and anti-sex? Sex isn't everything, as you have stated before but it's important enough to understand its ability to bring couples closer. Body and mind!(: *And also "self discovery" is equally important to determine what you like and don't.
BamBarBiYaKergud 2
well 52 than shes gay
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Did the skeeter make you skeet?
alexwhite117 0
I was singing that when I read this
cwmbear 0
if you dress up like my dad I'll....
sourgirl101 29
Time for the calamine lotion!
Bizenghastly 0
since ive never met a guy who wasn't primarily focused on sex, I find keev's opinion a tad unusual. still , that's HIS OPINION and ,altho you guys may not agree w. him , kindly back the hell off and let him be himself? ^_^ besides, if there're some guys out there who are not always looking to get laid then that means that the chances of you getting laid are higher , no?