Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
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Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
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Comments (262)
Doghead77 0
that's the funniest Damn thing I heard all day.
teameminem 2
I'm pretty sure most - if not all - the guys on here would agree with me (except you) that you are missing out if you haven't had oral. Its not a necessity to life, but it is definitely very pleasurable. And who's to say that pleasure isn't heaven? I'm beginning to think you've never experienced it.
amerwin 3
Sounds like a win-win for both parties. That's mutualism at its best.
binkybaby 3
Or **********.
moley_fml 3
atleast u know for sure it's female cos males don't bite so u don't have to worry about that oh and did u cook her breakfast
Darcon 8
Omfg has OP got malaria?
LilFlash81 0
lmao atleast yu know yu cnt get your penis sucked
pacolaca 6
lol
barlessprison 16
Well of course that's the only thing going to be sucking your dick! How dare you even think of cheating on that mosquito with someone else?
koolaidman247 3
ahahaha
koolaidman247 3
awkward nd I hope your a chick.... haha
sxe_beast 11
Look at Keevarou's pic. He looks like a deranged serial killer. He probably finds sexual gratification in killing cute animals and from the primary school he sits outside of everyday. The orgasmic sensation resulting from stimulation of the genitalia and other normal sexual activities are lost on him. Anyway, FYL OP =c.
unvmesucka 0
He is half way to starring in the next 40 year old virgin.
lmaoatall 6
there's a new strain of Mosquitos out. they're called peter skeeters. they're testy little buggers. protect your junk.