Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (262)
Suchagoonnn 4
no pleasure in oral sex or sex? u probly never got any
zman0900 11
Forever alone
sblhaine 0
damn. haha. I hope you didn't smack it, cuz it might be the only thing that touches it
TikkiBurg3r 0
that's why you don't sleep naked.
ACanadaGuy 0
"but if you take it HARD then SUCKS to be you. lol
xxMichaxx 0
lmbo!!! too funny dude!!
sourgirl101 29
This may be none of my business and feel free to tell me so.... but would you not gain pleasure in touching your lover? (Being it your wife/gf?) Knowing that your touch pleased them! I'm sure she would want that same feeling.(:
jess6blondie9 3
Bet you ten dollars, you let it keep sucking.
a_nutritionist 10
thanks, but im not in the US :P
OrgasmicBunnies 9
everyone has their own beliefs. Iran I agree with kev, sex isn't everything in life. I would rather know my partner loves me for me and not just because of sex. it's better to have a relationship on love and not just pleasure chemicals your brain can produce.