Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
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Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
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Comments (262)
nmearayta 0
I can't believe she cheated on me. I thought me and that mosquito were close. this explains all those late night "classes" she took one a week.
rcloca 10
lol!! nice! ?
mgrubby 4
There's a skeeter on my Peter, knock it off! There's a skeeter on my Peter, knock it off! My brother's got a dozen, you can hear them skeeters buzzin, There's a skeeter on my Peter, knock it off!
DeLpHe3zY 7
now you can tell all your friends you got head for the first time.
SinfulTragedy 19
You mad, bro?
Riddles66 0
Well.. maybe you should get out there and flirt!
xxmollyxx 25
no it probably isn't
Iwbas11 0
were were your pants?
wilsonchewy 0
I wouldn't mind if you sucked my morning wood
mjindo 0
I wouldn't mind either
xxsarahfxx 6
Psh people stop hatin.
rubberbullets 0
Well was it deepthroating that lil bastard?
Lililthx 7
Bitch*, mosquitos who suck are female :D
Deathmatch56 0
How was it?
pacolaca 6
wazzup... my names mosquito... lol