Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
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Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
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Comments (262)
thegrant 0
Way to be honest with yourself, buddy.
ash99 0
why weren't you wearing pants
unvmesucka 0
From rumours I heard this am, his drunk piss soaked c$$t of a sister got wasted and plastered him with baby powder. His ***** of a mom snuck in the house late and stripped off his clothes to place in washer thus leaving him stark naked where a mosquito pricked his prick.
deputy_g 5
you're not going to get anymore action with that mosquito bite making your penis look like it has a sti
mk58 31
Jeez, people, he was just stating his opinion. There's really no need to judge him based on one picture. For all we know, any of you could be pedophiles.
chuck1986 0
with an attitude like that, probably.
PurpleRae420 0
suxs to be you and I bet you let it continue sucking
teameminem 2
No, I assume that you've never experienced intimacy because of your opinions. I don't expect you to agree with mine but most men who have had oral sex done to them before don't go around telling people that they aren't missing out on anything.
RebornProblem 0
At least he has enough balls to put up a picture, dumb bitches.
Every1luvsfmls 6
I'll suck your penis
jackie_lemoine 0
are you that desperate ? really !
pablo132 3
how much you charge!? aha
chrisperson 0
desperate hooker
barlessprison 16
I've been reading your comments on the last few FMLs. What the hell man? We get it, you don't find sex all that appealing but for crying out loud, go pretend to be Mother Teresa somewhere else okay?