Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
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Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
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Comments (262)
misabel90 6
why is it small?
fastballbabe 0
you just say that because youve probably never been sucked, and never will. OP, try taking a shower and the chicks will flock. js.
paradiseisland01 0
OMG that's a great way to start your morning .
a_nutritionist 10
"they make a FML because they are afraid they will not get sucked." it isnt strange to be disappointed that youve not experienced something that you would like to, especially when most people around you have. just because its about sex that doesnt make it bad, im sure you wouldnt begrudge someone being upset that theyll never get to taste sugar, when everyone around them does and take great joy in doing so, so why sex? sounds to me like youre overkeen to be different.
a_nutritionist 10
of course there are other things to enjoy, but at the moment this person noticed a distinct lack of one thing in their life that they want. actually, driving was the first thing that came into my head but thats not something that is entirely relatable. currently, im a qualified registered nutritionist, alas there is little work for graduates in this state, so ive gotta start job hunting interstate or stick with the remedial job im doing on the side.
Xtra_Cheddar 3
how does that even happen? don't you wear boxers or something when you sleep?
CitrusGirl 0
I can't believe people jumped on this guy for expressing his opinion. He seems like a cool dude to me. He didn't insult anyone who enjoys oral sex so I see no reason for people to be offended by what he said.
lovinit5683 0
Get out more? and sleep with something covering your penis..
Casandy 0
umm were u naked or something? because last time I checked they can't suck through clothes
tona01 16
actually tropical mosquitos can, they even go through jeans. well at least in the tropical jungle in south mexico they do
TSimes 0
nothing wrong with sleeping naked, just make sure no one will walk in on you.
heddurhowza 1
Someone needs to get out more