Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
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Top comments
13BlackCat 2
why that is the first thing that came to his teacher's mind i don't know. my first thought was cop. i think the teacher has his or her mind in the gutter
shorgenfunkel 0
Go to the school in uniform.
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Comments (252)
thatCanadianGuy7 0
shoulda brought out a stun gun... or Eric Cartman
joyride 0
LOL, well your son's teacher is pretty dim.
Gringo_fml 0
Your wife/husband is a lucky wo/man ;)
Neenertastic 0
This would only make sense if these said handcuffs were pink and fuzzy.
DeeJayD 0
I would've thought cop first. If the teacher's first thought was that they were for sex, should they really be around small children?
Tehalon 0
Handcuffs make great knuckledusters!
notmuch 0
You should hide those cuffs from your kid anyway. Just think of all the filthy scum that you put those cuffs on!
gqduck 0
Isn't it awesome when people make lifestyle and parenting judgments, anyway? I hope you put on your uniform to go pick the hand cuffs up.
lilacwords 0
Uh, it's kind of easy to tell the difference between real handcuffs and sex toy handcuffs. First off, sex toy handcuffs are generally pink and furry, and they don't have actual locks on them. Real ones DO have locks, and they tend not to have colored fur on them.
irlydontcare 0
um.. i don't think cops use fuzzy handcuffs. quit lying.