Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
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Top comments
13BlackCat 2
why that is the first thing that came to his teacher's mind i don't know. my first thought was cop. i think the teacher has his or her mind in the gutter
shorgenfunkel 0
Go to the school in uniform.
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Comments (252)
elliebelle1990 0
did you tell the teacher that?
getreal 1
Flash the teacher your badge.
ZuRG_fml 7
#89, both of my handcuff sets have a second lock to prevent them from tightening any further once the lock is engaged. @"why does the teacher have such a dirty mind? it's a cop!" posts: I have two pairs of handcuffs, like metal, real-looking handcuffs. My better pair doesn't even have a safety release lever. I got the better pair over-the-counter at a local vintage/thrift store (new in box) for $6. I'm definitely not a cop. Lots of my friends have metal handcuffs, and none of them are cops. Teacher realism win.
randomcomment321 0
what can i say about this... lets start with comment #19, .... thats all i can say because I CANT BREATH. i have to agree with #20, what were you thinking? It would only be funnier if she dialed 911, and you were called to the scene.
Vinny66 0
Why not say "Actually I'm a cop" and make that teacher feel like a dumbass?
bskaboom 0
#20 u are an idiot. kids have amazing ways of finding stuff. LMFAO At #15 Bet that teacher dont feel too smart. rofl
bitca 0
My father's a cop and when I was younger I used to play with his handcuffs all the time. 'Course, he wasn't exactly the best dad and just gave them to me as a form of entertainment. But, hey, it's fun to see how tight you can make them and still slip out.
bunnygirl 2
hey at least it wasn't your gun left laying around your room
depechemoses 0
I'm pretty sure you don't need that entire story until the last sentence.
sleepless15_p 0
just tell the stupid teacher you are a cop and she should keep her ignorant assumptions to herself