Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out just how bad my boyfriend's trust issues are, thanks to him being cheated on in the past. He actually had the nerve to ask his 6 year-old son if I had any other men come over while he was at work. FML
Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML
Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML
Today, my son tried extort me into turning the WiFi back on by hiding my purse. He was mad because he'd lost access for being disrespectful. FML
Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, I came home early to find my (now ex) girlfriend having a screaming argument with my son, because he caught her trying to burn pictures of my late wife. I'm back to being single, but at least I can be proud of my son for standing up to her (he's usually very timid). Can't believe I was dating that psycho. FML
Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my teenage son broke into my gun safe, took my gun, and dumped the magazine into the side of his ex-girlfriend's family home. He's completely stunned that he was arrested and charged with attempted murder. My wife blames me and wants a divorce. FML
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Top comments
dancer824 18
Your son sounds great
may14th 26
counseling works wonders.
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Comments (144)
dancer824 18
Your son sounds great
sweetbliss3 37
great, in the sense he needs to be locked in a psych ward.
sayyestothedress 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He's a keeper
AriettaX 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I honestly dont understand why people cheat..!
jkmartinjk 16
One plausible cause in this situation is that she tried to break up with him and he wouldn't have it so she just moved on.
acerredrum 23
#78, Really? THAT'S the issue you find with this? Don't get me wrong, cheating is terrible. Compared to breaking into someones house to teach them a lesson though?
coming back in the future 30
Dat logic do
thisguy22 33
Hi Bob.
Hiktmae 20
What?
tygerarmy 35
OP's name is Bob H.
MrSassypants 34
OP's name is Bob, and #2 and him have been friends since childhood, but they haven't seen each other in ages. *wipes tear* It really is a beautiful reunion.
illusong 16
@23 too bad it's buried under all those unlikes
may14th 26
counseling works wonders.
Just_A_Tree 20
At first, my thoughts were "what kind of parents have those thoughts about their own kids?" But then I finished reading it, and ya, this dude needs some help!
King_Nero 15
I think this kid needs more than just counseling.
jackycat 17
A parent that's honest and actually admits what their kid is like a person. I prefer that attitude over our cultural obsession of parents being persecuted for not blindly adoring their children like little gods.
fivetimeslonger 24
So do antipsychotics...
fuckercakes 21
This guy needs more than counselling, he needs serious 24 hour watch professional help. Please see it that he's given serious treatment OP, before he kills his poor ex girlfriend
Emmamazing 26
I think you should have a talk with him...
Nexoux 18
If the parent already feels that way about his son and under the context given, I think it'd be safe to assume that many talks have already been had.
Adeptus_Astartes 22
Son? Either your name is Jason or you need to get your kid some help.
Khaleesi_26 30
OP's name isn't jason, we've been over this already silly. It's Bob.H
Tossan1999 11
Why all the dislikes? The joke is we know the OP's name is Bob so it isn't Jason, therefore the kid needs some help.
Anonymousian 9
He needs a therapist
ohSNAPyall 27
And possibly a psychiatrist.
aireeahna 23
He needs Jesus
stonedfly3 15
He needs lock picking skills, apparently...
acerredrum 23
He needs the skeleton key from Skyrim.
warsun 27
I was half expecting #95's comment really
Ichiya 29
Clearly he needs a hobby or two.
siggy_mcsigx 22
As long as the hobbies don't include harming animals.
ChristianH39 30
Or ex girlfriends
Ohshitdude 21
Yikes, might I suggest therapy?
tygerarmy 35
Your son has a very high speech skill if he's able to get you to do that.
Swarmling 13
Not very high lockpicking though.
imtooshy 18
I'm hoping your response was to tell him that nobody likes to be cheated on and that he totally deserved to be dumped.
nightowl713 25
I hope his response also included why it is never ok to break into someone's home and, "teach them a lesson". I feel out of the two things this^ is much worse, than the cheating, for the ex.
junkman6 22
I'm hoping his response involved a call to the local funny farm and police department.
ZY1431 24
but is his reaction due to the dumping or was he a nut job to begin with thats the bigger question
skychu 18
#10, at first, I read your username as I am Tooshy (thinking tushy) then I realised what it really was ^^"
devildog562 33
Dude that kid is definitely touched a little bit. You may want to have a serious sit down with him.... And a shrink. Oh and the ex girlfriend sounds kind a slutty. Sorry about that .
derp_taco 22
11 I think the FML reads that he cheated on her not she cheated on him
devildog562 33
Yes it does ... Down voted self...
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
So his ex is slutty because HE cheated on her??
MrSassypants 34
#29 refer to #13 and #17's comment. Please and thank you.
devildog562 33
If all else fails start from the top and repeat.
Thatguy334 7
Marine does after all stand for Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Expected. Oorah!