Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
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Top comments
13BlackCat 2
why that is the first thing that came to his teacher's mind i don't know. my first thought was cop. i think the teacher has his or her mind in the gutter
shorgenfunkel 0
Go to the school in uniform.
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Comments (252)
24788 7
Handcuffs are fun to play with.
Meat_Boy09 0
Sorry to bring this up, But I hope to shit your gun was secured lol
Vertigopills 0
sure, you can use real handcuffs during sex... who ever said they're supposed to be comfortable? I suppose people are going to say that scratching, biting, pinching, spanking, hair-pulling, and sometimes choking (if the girl likes it) are supposed to be comfortable as well?
sengmengida 0
why does everyone mention the idea that he also leaves his gun unsecured? That's a retarded thing to assume. I am in the military and I lose every ******* thing I own but I always know where my rifle is. When you're trained in firearm safety, it becomes second nature to always think about where your gun is, but other shit like handcuffs doesn't get the same attention. Bottem line: if this guy had left his gun where the kid could reach it, he would have taken that instead. Retards.
Honda288 2
What if it had been your gun dude people just don't think these days
Besker 0
just like no one knows what you're trying to say :P
RatIsKing 0
#182: or the pile driver :D OP: you're a cop, right? tell the stupid teacher/ administrator. he'll think twice about "kinky toys" in the future
Kiranez 0
It would be hot if you didn't have a son
XxDrUnKeNGaMeRxX 0
well if she didnt have a son the FML wouldnt exist
roymustanglover 0
Um, I don't know how it is where you live, but in my country, cops are not permitted to take any of their equipment home with them--not even their uniforms. Well, every country is different...
roymustanglover 0
Hey, I just noticed that everyone keeps calling the cop a guy. Sexists: it says that she's a WOMAN.