Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
13BlackCat 2
why that is the first thing that came to his teacher's mind i don't know. my first thought was cop. i think the teacher has his or her mind in the gutter
shorgenfunkel 0
Go to the school in uniform.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (252)
13BlackCat 2
why that is the first thing that came to his teacher's mind i don't know. my first thought was cop. i think the teacher has his or her mind in the gutter
b182link 0
go up there in uniform, then when you take them off, put them in the holster. then start talking to your son about mommy in heaven. he'll feel bad
ahti546 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI. Cops are assholes.
hobbsicle805 0
Not all cops dumbass
Palirose 22
Apparently my mind was in the gutter as well. Cuz hot sex came to my mind before "cop" lol
kittykat1501 31
223 how do you know of is a boy? Not rhetorical, I really wanna know, unless you assumed.
CaptainPat 0
a stripper cop?
Rawr100 0
lol totally
meddude 0
haha that's hilarious. the question remains: why did he handcuff himself to the desk?
CitizenSnipz 0
Because he's 9.
Frlf 0
You should've locked her up for being insolent to the USA authority XD.
pinkalicious224 7
Lol that's what I said. Arrest the teacher.
mgodson07 0
i thought sex toy at first too lol
shezzamezza 0
seriously man, no need to be racist :P
Silenthunter 0
I laughed
chuksnwali 34
me too
Amkii 0
Hahaha nice. Bet the teacher will be pretty embarrassed when you tell her you're a police officer.
PureGold 0
hahaha, couldn't she tell they were real cuffs? That's hilarious though xD
5ive 0
So was it a sex toy or were they real handcuffs?
SonOfAMitch 14
It was a unicorn-shaped burrito.
shorgenfunkel 0
Go to the school in uniform.
VampireKiller59 0
agreed
jonan1212 5
thats exactly what i was thinking
neonoodle 0
if you're a cop, then why do those handcuffs have a fur coating?
m311 6
lol
warsun 27
Well because they need to be comfy to