Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML
Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML
Today, I borrowed a friend's suitcase for a trip. At the airport, security pulled me aside because there was a small metal object inside. I opened the suitcase expecting something suspicious and found a potato peeler. My friend had used the suitcase for groceries the week before. FML
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML
Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML
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Top comments
DDpandaz 0
Giggity
Analtality 4
Imagine what they did if they confiscated it.
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Comments (130)
evelinaaa 0
;D
leadman1989 16
Just had to be FIRST huh?
KiddNYC1O 22
GTFO, 1.
Damn_Hippster 11
Could be worst, it could have been a kinky bomb.
jasminea 0
oh gosh, you're a little too excited.... I bet that turns you on.
sunrise1234 3
1, people like you make me want to slam your head into an oven.
rallets 23
deymadu1st
saIty 17
As long we're making faces: :O + :P = 69
M0TTO 6
I don't know why everyones complaining about 1. His comment actually goes with the FML. Back on topic, it probably wasn't smart bringing a metal object there.
kevsnev 7
Is Peter Chao your boyfriend?
sky22_fml 7
Violent much? lol
Analtality 4
Imagine what they did if they confiscated it.
leadman1989 16
Categorize and store it in it's proper place until disposal? :D
Keyman1212 14
You know one of them will end up handcuffing themselves to something...
HahaHokayThen 10
I would've passed it off as just handcuffs... Unless it was lined in pink frilly fluff ;D
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
I'd say I'm an undercover stripper cop .
todethepandaXD 2
"hello fellow officer I was just about to arrest this man for being a naughty boy" ;D
xosportsgirl14x 8
Thumb up this comment if you're sick of full page ads on the FML app... Also, OP, that must have been humiliating.
1123nic 0
On the bright side OP, at least you were gonna get it in. I mean, when is that not a good thing? :D haha
iliketwertles 2
Keyman's ripped and hot....
DDpandaz 0
Giggity
EatnBeef 7
Who else but Quagmire?!
DQEight 8
Goo.
TherealMort 0
Peters friend Quagmire says that all the time! Oh how it gets on my nerves!
EvilPotato 15
I'm sorry but there's one thing I must say. Holy shit nobody gives a **** about that ******* chef game we are all here to laugh at peoples misery. Thank you and sorry for straying off topic.
Miss_Attitude96 24
EvilPotato don't apologize for stating the truth, the ad is annoying as hell.
GiggityGiggityGo_fml 8
Giggity indeed..
Bekaah13 0
Don't we all have a pair?(;
instnt1nfction 17
That's a shitty situasian
d0j0man 3
Not really
NotAPedo 0
I always keep a pair on me ...size extra small.
False_Stupidity 42
#118 is that so you can 'handcuff' your dick?
flockz 20
"don't mind the gag either officer."
thisisafunnyname 12
nor the whip
_Oblivion_ 12
Oh and officer that isn't a flashlight
jizzwold 21
no that's not the kind you wear around your neck...
Zakirsd_fml 5
This one requires a week of training before use
jasminea 0
they're just jealous.
EvilCupcake8361 9
haha be lucky he didn't ask to join
oA_Fiasco 8
ahahahahaha!!
leadman1989 16
Me love you long time...
crazyrunnergirl 7
And this would be one of those stories people say that you'll laugh at years later yet you never end up laughing at
Kpalsm 7
You used the wrong form of "weather" in your profile
NotAPedo 0
You also used "to" incorrectly. It's " me too," not " me to." Oh, and by the way... Who let you out of the kitchen?
NotAPedo 0
In addition to my previous comment, you misspelled "kindergarten." It's not "kindergarden." ...according to my restriction papers...
TheClumsiest 0
You misspelled "kinkergarten". It's not "kindergarten". According to my restriction papers :)
Savra_fml 17
It took 6 officers to identify what a pair of handcuffs looks like? Should have shown the first one how they are used to save time.
Worrisome 18
He probably called the other officers so they would all get a kick out of it.