Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML
You're under arrest
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
Gun control
Today, I took my 15-year-old daughter to our local shooting range for her birthday, as she requested. While she was setting up a target in front of me, I jokingly pulled the trigger and shouted, "Think Fast!" not realizing that the safety was off. I shot my daughter in the arm on her birthday. FML
Don't be a dingdong
Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML
STRANGER DANGER
Today, I was picking up my 10 year-old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML
Never try this at home
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Boundaries, dude!
Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML
Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML
Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Where'd you take her? To the police station, or to the local sex shop where you and me both know those handcuffs came from?...
jideare 3
Placed handcuffs on her "as a joke"? Good cover!?
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Comments (104)
FYLDeep 26
Where'd you take her? To the police station, or to the local sex shop where you and me both know those handcuffs came from?...
TransitionCovert 6
iirc handcuffs have a universal key. So probably the police station.
zolziski 11
If handcuffs have a universal key then why don't criminals just carry one in their back pocket in case they get arrested? That's what I would do...
6969awesome 0
Or use a bobby pin, it's really to break out of handcuffs.
SultanRS 12
It seems her father suffers from Chronnic Douchebag Syndrome (CDS). It seems to be becoming a worldwide problem these days.
jerseyboy732 16
16: they are illegal to have them anywhere on your body except your key ring (which is where I keep mine) . either way tho officers are taught when arresting someone to have the cuffs face up with the key holes on the opposite side of the hands so they can't be accessed by the prisioner. also they have double locks so even if you were able to get a key in them you wouldn't be able to disengage the double lock.
jerseyboy732 16
18: trust me it's impossible to break out of a pair of cuffs with a bobby pin.
zolziski 11
Thank you jerseyboy732, that was quite possibly the most informative reply I have ever received on this site. Not often you walk away feeling a little smarter :)
wlddog 14
If you have a key then it's simply opening a lock. And if you searched a cop I guarantee they have them in more places than just their key chain. I had one on my keys, my shirt pocket, my back pocket, and the back of my belt. I also practiced getting out of them with a tiny screw driver (not unlike a bobby-pen. Just because YOU can't do it that doesn't make it impossible.
LunaDragon 10
Lol same thing happened to me when I was a kid with my uncles cuffs, it took six hours and countless different tries, with several different keys before they git them off.
RegenaGeorge 0
This is a problem u need to look into. Where was your daughter toyed up? Like what if he was trying to tie her up into the bed post to rape her. You should talk to then or contact police. Just saying b4 matters get worsur
mahoney94 6
33: with chain handcuffs the orientation doesn't matter, you can rotate your hands and reach the keyhole just fine. Also a bobby pin is perfectly capable of unlocking them, you have to be able to pull the end off though and that usually means using teeth, but cops should lock them behind your back so that's quite hard to do. The double lock just means turn the 'key' in the wrong direction first, then unlock it normally. My dad has been a cop for 30 years so I have tried most of these things. It's like solving a rubik's cube behind your back but it is possible.
MatthewDmerrill 5
The police would check you like in cops.
jerseyboy732 16
82: cops don't use chained cuffs anymore they use hinged ones that can't be twisted around. also most depts use smith and Wesson cuffs and the double lock on those is activated/deactivated by a little slit you slide back and fourth on the top of each cuff. don't doubt me I'm in the police academy
mitchn60 6
They do. A few years ago a man murdered three cops after he got out a hidden key. They're almost universal, I have two different brands of handcuffs, for work, one key fits both pair, but the other key only fits the cuffs they're made for.
Tekeler 3
Hey jersey boy.... So ur in the academy huh? Cause your profile says you hate cops lmao... Btw I have a pair of s&w handcuffs. And have many times gotten my way out of them with a bobby pin. Not hard at all.
jerseyboy732 16
93: I do hate them but i came to the conclusion that if you can't beat them, join them.. and are they chained or hinged?
TSN619 7
As a cop you're wrong. The type of handcuffs that a police officer uses is usually at that officers discretion. Some precincts have their own regulations but cops may use use chain or hinge cuffs at their discretion.
BradTheBrony 19
Your... Uncle? *pedobear face*
CRAZYKILLER420 4
People do have the universal key my uncle gave me one haha and I tried them it works
laurenobrien 4
I'm not sure if I should be worried
KM96 24
Doesnt that comment mean that we should be worried about you 27 ?
KriiFahMoro 9
Too late. I'm already worried. Are you a common criminal or a magician?
Drigr 9
2, why the hell should you be worried? It's not your kid
mexicotoucher 7
Why do you have real handcuffs?
AugustBurnsToast 14
For real kinds of fun of course. :)
llamafish 25
Why don't you?
ladyLALAA 29
3, live a little, Rihanna even wrote a song about it!
wlddog 14
Life is way more fun with real cuffs.
rdrr 2
To practise my great milkcan escape of course!
bizarre_ftw 22
Because everyone needs to start somewhere ^_^
I_Punch_Babies 7
please tell me thats her step father and not her biological one
MizzErikaHart 8
Seems a lil creepy of it were a stepdad
I_Punch_Babies 7
its even creepier if it were her real dad.
mckibabe 7
He put handcuffs on her. What's so creepy about that? He didn't do anything do her.
Argumental_Rhino 8
This is a strange FML, why would he put handcuffs on her as a joke? There are definitely more funny things to do.
ebonyirony 29
Like trying to escape from a glass tank filled with water. That's fun too, don't forget the rope.
Argumental_Rhino 8
And chains, never forget the chains.
jideare 3
Placed handcuffs on her "as a joke"? Good cover!?
hijaz25 4
Umm...WTF!
nofearjenshere 12
Sure he "didn't know they were real." Likely story.
AugustBurnsToast 14
Yeah cause only real ones would do the job of making those kinky fantasies he had in mind come to life.
AugustBurnsToast 14
*she (my bad)
AugustBurnsToast 14
Wait no scratch comment 23 lmao
courtz94 24
Umm...that's strange...why would you keep real handcuffs in your house? Is anyone a cop?
sulitak 27
I have a pair at my house. got them as a gag gift (yes... real metal handcuffs that need a proper key to unlock)
deviable 9
My motto is to usually assume they're real, and prepare accordingly.