Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Always trust notes on your windows
Tuesdaythe10th 11
Your username is very creative
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Comments (70)
Fredds_Life 3
I would not tolerate that, call the police right away and they will know you are not going to put up with there shenanigans.
andiewithlove 21
*their
dead247 13
How can you say shenanigans?! This is so much more than a silly fight between two sides! You need to find a way into befriending both, then take them down inside or arson, if you want to go that path.
agonydrum 7
Set both houses on fire, show them your the boss, than smoke some weed
DocBastard 40
Wow...a stupid idea followed by stupid grammar followed by another stupid idea. You win the Worst Comment of the Day award. Congratulations.
agonydrum 7
Awesome :) thanks man
SilverGTP99 8
Best comment here lol weed!
DrAtomic 0
Reading 45 and 55's comments has given me the biggest headache in the past month, and since I work with mental disabilities, that's pretty bad. However, 45 and 55's level of idiocy skyrockets.
klx125cross 9
Gaha thefuckman lol
chashem 17
Pick the guy who bleached ur lawn
skittlestrailmix 14
Why... No one wants their lawn bleached.
DaGrimRetard 8
buy two bullets. cheap and solves the problem.
BunchieRules 31
And illegal.
Metallica36176 16
Yep. Pick a side. YOUR side, and if they don't like it, let them fight each other and grab some popcorn. :) Unless they choose to turn against you. Then you should choose the side of the police.
usmcheins 1
Pull a Canada
PYLrulz 17
And what would that mean?!?
Szaszaspasz 26
Just say to both of the neighbours: "You ready? You ready? Let's get it on!"
Leslier_fml 4
Dont do it! Show them you are better than that.
Leslier_fml 4
Dont do it! Show them you are better than that.