Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
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Top comments
xX504DBXx 0
man... not the hot dogs. looks like he's just gonna have to resort to ramen. hopefully he doesn't **** that up too.
redbluegreen 41
Idiots, obviously.
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Comments (114)
airball33 0
Obviously hot dogs must be a challenge for your friend. Wonder how your friend was cooking them
xX504DBXx 0
man... not the hot dogs. looks like he's just gonna have to resort to ramen. hopefully he doesn't **** that up too.
Whydoyouask 11
LMAO, but practice makes perfect!
BadasS14 0
ops roommate has a long way to go!! XD
Iknoweverything 29
THAT takes talent...
ruby84 1
thank-you! I've tried to tell people that too "I'm not a challenged-cook, I'm a talented- firealaram- setter!"
Garytt 0
nice rack
hidingoutt7 0
time for a new room mate
ruby84 1
or she should put on ear plugs and shut the **** up & stop bitching over small stuff. or you just stop giving advice (yeah I know I'm mean but I come here to release my anger & negative feelings so that I can function nicely in the real world) aaah :) feeling better already, thanks for giving me the chance to bully you by posting a stupid comment ^.*
BadasS14 0
^ weeeiiiirrrirdo..
ruby84 1
says the dude taking a picture of himself while grabbing on to his belt.. bet you've got nothing else to grab on ^.^
MuchDance90s 0
ruby is my new favorite
AceArctic 4
37, I'm confused with your logic. How are earplugs going to protect the OP from a fire?!
RedPillSucks 33
So she doesn't hear her own screams as she burns to death when the kitchen sets the rest of the house on fire.
deathofalifetime 0
Thank you this is exactly what I though!
giantsfan2010 23
what? A woman who can't cook? this can't be true.
tooFLY 0
hehehe greatness.... looks like it's time for a less retarded roomie
BloodyHeel 8
At no point does OP mention roomie was of the female species.
giantsfan2010 23
well op is female, so most likely her roommate is too.
tooFLY 0
^^this
ruby84 1
many women can't cook.. maybe cuz they're spoiled, busy or have better things to do. I can't cook.. but I can do some mind-blowing things! so yeah, it's normal.
IntarwebBroWsEr 0
^ I bet you can do more than "mind-blowing"things
RedPillSucks 33
Wow, a cerebral ********. I need me one of those.
airball33 0
#7, it happens. It is very unfortunate. Us men buy the appliances and utensils to maker their lives easier, and they still mess shit up
ruby84 1
Agreed!
SuperRichFish 6
XD ^^ you make me laugh so much. :L
MissPo3s 0
She's trying to kill you in your sleep, OP!
lalalovebiancaa 0
that's hilarious. You deserve ir for rooming with a ratard
ruby84 1
you're a retard. being challenged in the kitchen is normal. I once burnt tea! each person is better at some thing and worst at others. like I can't cook but I can do some mind-blowing stuff ^.*
glitter354 0
I think what you meant to say was "retard." lol
VeeVengeance 0
nope. I think they mean Ruh-tard like in the hangover. dummy
RedPillSucks 33
Or rat turd?
l3gz169 0
wow ##38 seriously...you have to be pretty dumb to burn tea...and we get the point you can do things that involve blowing, but I am starting to believe it's not the blowing of the mind that you're trying to boast
cathyran25 0
haha lol wow how is that even possible
ruby84 1
ufff! I have to repeat myself. it's really not that hard to screw up in the kitchen, you can over BBQ the hot dogs or forget them cooking & voila... you've got a screaming fire alarm & a bitching roommate & weirdos like you making dumb comments
buttersthelorry 0
#1 how the **** do you cook with a BBQ (I'm assuming you mean grill) inside? that would set off the smoke alarm itself. #2 why are you such a bitch, op's house has nearly burnt down 4 times. #3 OP FYL seriously get a new roommate, or ban her from the kitchen.
ruby84 1
56, screw you! BBQ or grill, I'm not a kitchen person so whatever you asshole... & maybe OP is a douche bag just like you so (setting off a smoke alarm for few minutes meant house on fire for her).. & finally, don't ever talk to me that way, you ************ ********!
fml5891 0
Ruby you sound like a Dick a.k.a. my current roommate. Go bitch at someone else or get a life.
AceArctic 4
^Agreed. FML isn't here to let you bitch at people. it's to share stories that will get a chuckle out of other people.
jonathanpwns 0
But, the stories ruby has shared have made me chuckle. :D