Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Always trust notes on your windows
Tuesdaythe10th 11
Your username is very creative
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Comments (70)
Major_Whupass 3
Tell them to go **** themselves and get ready to kick some ass!
Shepuz 4
You should get a large flagpole, hoist up the UN flag, and put down some barbed wire on your yard and pretend to be the UN peacekeepers in this conflict. If they have any sense of humour, they won't ask again.
1dvs_bstd 41
You should write "I'm the referee" on both of their doors.
taka3000000o 8
I would call the cops on both of them for bleaching my lawn or somwthing
ClairMuniz445 6
Pick the side that didn't bleach your lawn
Blade52560 6
Turns out they don't really hate each other and are just trying to get you to move out.
anonymous100000 17
call the police if it gets worse. other than that, don't get involved
SailorSolaris 43
Tell them "I did pick a side. My own." Just don't get involved, unless it's to call the cops.
XandraHart 15
Fences make good neighbors my friend. Especially if it's at least six feet high and comes with trespass warnings from your local PD.
ReRage 13
Now you have to play them against each other and perform an obligatory backstab.