Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Always trust notes on your windows
Tuesdaythe10th 11
Your username is very creative
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Comments (70)
ThatGenericGuy 6
Always trust notes on your windows
dcg1375 7
I would pick the side of the neighbor that did NOT bleach your lawn.
mduffy08 8
Someone call in the artillery...
GypsyRover 0
Ignore the dumb ass nabbers. If it gets worse,call the police. If that don't work,get mid-evil on there ass!!!
botanistjessica 24
Gypsy, I seriously hope nabbers was meant to be something other than neighbors.
gc327072 31
79- mid-evil? Why not left-evil of right-evil? Or did you mean medieval?
SenselessPattern 12
#20 Yeah, but the neighbor with the bleach is a cold-hearted killer, attacking the innocent grass as a show of strength. He is destined for complete domination of the neighborhood.
PinkieKeen 20
Join the dark side They have cookies.
Tragichero92 12
I've been to the darkside. They lied about the cookies : <
Tuesdaythe10th 11
Your username is very creative
gc327072 31
Has nothing on 21's username.
boxbrandon11 20
Thumbs up if you went up to look at the username
stephan18 23
That's hilarious, I'd have so much fun in that situation >:) pick a side!
NanillaVipples 2
This sounds like a good idea for a sitcom.
CookieGirl4ever 13
Or for kids in elementary school… although I know from experience it's not fun being in the middle of that and having to "pick a side."
walmartpaysme 15
I would be scared to pick a side. Whichever one you don't pick is going to make your life a living hell.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Seriously. It's like OP is the new guy in prison. All he wants to do is his time then get out, but now he must choose a gang or else both gangs will bring on a wrath against him.
dead247 13
1. pick side 2. be spy for other side. 3. but really be spy for previous side. 4. watch as they plan and fail. It will hopefully work...in theory.
syley 5
Make 2 notes saying you're on Switzerland's side, if one asks you what you mean and the other doesn't you know which side is smarter
Justin0481 5
64, sounds like the kentucky shuffle
jessalinemai1398 6
Choose wisely.
Mister_Triangle 21
Put a note on both of their doors that says "I choose your side". Enjoy the part of double agent while you manipulate them against each other for your own ends.
Kamon97 23
Ya man left twix or right twix pick a side bro
MonsterCommenter 4
This is a lose-lose situation OP. I suggest moving out or inviting them over to work out there differences. Its probably just something like, "He forgot to give me back my drill!!"
Mister_Triangle 21
Just don't let them fill up on soda, or their friendship will be reignited at the expense of your Easter Island Head house exploding due to their giggling-induced carbonated belches. I've seen it happen before.
mckibben 7
Probally the best spongebob reference i have ever seen.
glowbaby 15
Dinkleberg!
wannabesinger 16
I definitely think you should pick the dark side. They have cookies.
TBelle4Ever 15
But they will refuse to share their cookies
KrazieKleo 13
Raisin Oatmeal cookies are awesome!!!
BunchieRules 31
50 - A member of the dark side, you are. Kill you, I must. - Yoda
djinnsnme 19
Hahaha we don't have cookies. This is the dark side. Are you really surprised we lied?
StubbornDonkey 10
The cake is a lie!
xCrazyMexican 4
So, which side do you pick op?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I'd tell them you're not participating in their elementary feud :P
andiewithlove 21
Then both of them would give him hell!
walmartpaysme 15
#9 I always think your picture is a llama when I'm just scrolling through the comments. I know it's a chicken, but the angle or something is so strange. Lol
jem970 19
OP, don't pick a side and you can unite them when they both want to get back at you! Of course you will be hit by hell on both fronts... Nah. Just save yourself the trouble and move or be Switzerland.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#56- Aww, that's funny. Someone a few days ago said she looks like Buckbeak from Harry Potter! I admit, she's not a common-looking bird, but hippogriffs and llamas? Wonder what her babies would look like! XD
DragonzCreator 3
Make sure you pick the side that cooks good! You don't want to fight on a empty stomach.