Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Always trust notes on your windows
Tuesdaythe10th 11
Your username is very creative
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Comments (70)
Ronican 1
tell them you will decide in ways of old. like the earls or dukes of England they must swoon you to gain your favor. then take them for all they've got and watch them argue about it.
escobar07 10
Id choose the winning side.
KokiriKid 10
Bleach both of their lawns telling them that you choose the other's side.
jessi_sunshine 26
Call the police. I'd say this situation has escalated and gotten way too out of hand.
BlackCherries94 17
Did you report them to the police and take photo evidence?
you_killed_kenny 0
DINKLEBURG!!!
larisonr 4
Make them fight for recruitment also. Find the perks and drawbacks of either side. Pretty much have them buy you off.
jennrotten 12
I'd make a really nice sign that says "Neutral Zone" and post it in your yard. Then wait to see which one of them defaces it first.
kingelessar 2
I'd call the cops.... Watch one of their asses be put in jail or pay a hefty fine... Then have the other neighbor love you
UvaB9206 0
I would leave a note on their doors saying "grow the f*** up!" And, if they started shit with me, I would call the cops. And keep a detailed record with dates and times of everything they've done to me so that I could sue them for harrassment.