Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Always trust notes on your windows
Tuesdaythe10th 11
Your username is very creative
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Comments (70)
88vivera 9
Don't do it!
gallopinghorses 3
Lol
lovelyspyder 7
That's ridiculous. When will adults start behaving like adults??
annie_nk 23
When they pull their head out their asses maybe?
larisonr 4
I'm not sure if they're all you'd enough for this to be relevant, but it reminds me of something I've recently read. We're the adults now, we decide what that means. Be reckless, have fun.
CeCe184 17
A bleached lawn?
dominic1221 6
A bleached lawn? Sorry, the echo got me too.
ozone9914 2
Just talk to them both saying i dont want to get suckd into this
KiddNYC1O 22
Hmm sitcom to be...
hootymc 0
Dinkleberg....
Dcm210 19
pick neither and bleach both their yeards.
elephantsarecute 16
Play it neutral, but hint to both sides that you'll pick them. You may benefit from them competing to recruit you.
TheNewGuy03 29
...or they'll just firebomb his house or some shit. People like OP's neighbors aren't very rational...
MaJiCiDe 5
Switzerland I choose you!!!
BunchieRules 31
Neighbors used bleach. It's super effective!