Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Get a (big) dog. Change your locks. Buy a shotgun.
lyndis_fml 0
Well, you do. A golf ball at the door seemed less creepy than a note on your bedside table. Sorry if I scared you.
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Comments (214)
englishmuffin 0
maybe it wasn't meant for you? otherwise... creepy
kaytee05 0
wow! u have a creeper on ur hands :(
MisterMuffinz 13
sorry bout that, i just get so lonely sometimes... being a golf ball shagger isnt quite the job i was looking for, but i just need to get by.
HateMySister 6
Creepy no matter who it's meant for.
yndigot 0
Uh ... is moving an option? Seriously creepy.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: EEK. Err, change locks? ^^;
anonymous100000 17
or how about OP takes this very seriously and contacts the police...stop playin.
TheLittlestNinja 0
GET A STUN GUN!!!
fmyluff 7
Or curtains.....
grazynaanka 0
Creeeeeeepy. Change your locks. Um wow. Very creepy.
applecake 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's kinda cool.
cattturine 21
What the hell is wrong with you?
Rooney101 0
I think maybe you should keep the curtains or blinds drawn more often
redbluegreen 41
Get a (big) dog. Change your locks. Buy a shotgun.
lyndis_fml 0
Well, you do. A golf ball at the door seemed less creepy than a note on your bedside table. Sorry if I scared you.
stosborn 0
... Really... this isn't even funny after high school... probably some kid.... in high school