Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML
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Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Ol' Man Jenkins is not pleased with all these whippersnappers on his lawn.
BigMatt803 18
you don't deserve a gun being pointed at you but you shouldn't run on someone's private property either
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Comments (97)
breakingbad_fml 27
I mean, everything is possible.
DarkHelmet 10
You better thank God you didn't have the bright idea to tip one of his cows or you would've got shot
billyz77 24
With his User Name, he didn't have to tip any cows. He got exactly the right amount of respect that he gave the property owner (who had every right to do what he did). I know the guy with the gun couldn't have known his User Name, but if he thinks low enough of him to call him a "******* hick" behind his back, what must he have been doing that he left out of his story?
lilhellian 27
He was secretly ******* the pig.
Trai 6
Yeah, I mean even in interspecies seahorse-human relationships the boyfriend can get pregnant.. Apparently.
sonrisapreciosa 6
Good thing he wasn't in Texas... O.o
XxDevilxXGt 26
Or maybe OP just saw the guy's reaction as ridiculous, having a gun pointed at him for jogging through. I mean maybe the guy has some reason and OP was too far into his land for comfort, but what kind asshat points a gun at someone for jogging? I'm guessing he also shoots every single deer and rabbit that trespasses in his land too? Maybe for the sake of his grass. If Op didn't acknowledge a trespassing sign then it's his fault. If there was no sign and it was far out in his land, then the guy is a real jerk.
oneforceone 8
Maybe he is afraid of someone robbing him. Better safe than sorry.
fylx100 19
The word impossible itself does spell "I'm possible"
clokwrkpig 6
The guy probably was a hick if he pointed a gun at OP for this. Overreaction much?
sens3sfailing 25
There is no apostrophe in impossible. Im is not a word, therefore, no. Furthermore, YOU'VE JUST BEEN LAWYERED!
billyz77 24
Or maybe the Original Poster didn't include the whole story. We, as people, rarely do. We tell only that which puts us in the best light and leave out what makes us look bad. So, maybe OP didn't include the part about the 17 chickens he was trying to take or he left out the part of the story where he was keying the guy's car as he was jogging by.
doodlecloud 27
53 - Unnecessarily rude usernames usually piss me off but even I think this one is justified. I've seen people get away with a lot worse on here.
AndOtherDrugs 5
125- well it makes more sense for us as the audience not to make assumptions that go beyond what was presented in the FML. Otherwise it'd be no point to reading them because every individual would add their own assumptions, possibly changing the whole message of the post.
missamazinggg 12
121- it's an Audrey Hepburn quote.
billyz77 24
Which is my point exactly. I've moderated thousands of these little stories and most are so fake a child could see through them. I've learned that we almost never get the whole truth.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
#92 > You're nuts, I'd call that hillbilly a freaking psycho too if that had happened to me. Jogging is not exactly a threatening activity. You Americans and your fetishist obsession with guns, honestly…
green2go 14
If it was on my land and near the house he is a good 1/4 mile in and I would have done the same thing but we have a problem with meth heads trespassing
VampTat 10
#121 He was being clever. HA! YOU just got LAWYERED!
BigMatt803 18
you don't deserve a gun being pointed at you but you shouldn't run on someone's private property either
Lizza330 28
Maybe he didn't know he was tresspassing. Some times people have so much land that it would be stupid to put up a fence around it. Like if you were in a foresty area or something.
DanielleinDC 34
I think it's safe to assume that he didn't know he was jogging on someone else's land. Is your heart rate back to normal, OP?
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
44- People who own mass amounts of land usually put up posted signs.
dashizam 10
City folk. Tsk tsk. Gosh darnedit, got no ider where their walkin at, fact that we gots us some wolves back that way and their runnin their ass aroun' like they ain't got a care in the world! ***********awkward as I realize that I actually talk like that*****
Steve95401 49
This actually happens on a lot of public property too. Here in Northern California, there are many large scale marijuana farms located illegally within national forests or state parks and they are patrolled by well-armed farmers.
desireev 18
I don't know about anywhere else, but in Oklahoma, you have to have a fence around your property, no matter how big it is, and put up signs if you're going to point a gun at someone for being on your land. And most states here in the south are like that too. But we also get to shoot you dead after the first warning if you don't leave. They do not joke around with trespassing laws down here. Lol.
panda_lou 11
Yeah that's why I love Texas. We didn't stutter when we told you to get lost the first time and we weren't asking. . . But you don't need a fence around your property. Signs do help but I learned that if there is a sign ANYWHERE on the property, even if it is destroyed to where you can barely read the lettering, and it's hidden behind vines on the ground next to the fence it still counts.
doLLe 21
America and their stupid gun laws, it's insane that people who are that much out of their mind can get a gun
AndOtherDrugs 5
131- it sounds like you're just looking for an excuse to shoot other people.
NagainaFier 16
Woah woah woah. So you're telling me that it's insane the 'hick' was trying to protect his land? Yeah, OP might have been minding his own business, but if he knew it was private property, he deserved it, and if he didn't, then that's unfortunate and hopefully he learned to be more cautious. As for the 'hick', clearly OP was too close for comfort. If I've got some stranger I've never seen on my property, there's going to be a problem. Fact of the matter is the 'hick' had no way of knowing who OP was or what he was doing on his land.
gman90210 18
Tia very true
dashizam 10
139-Not insane. We "hicks" are completely in our right mind, and want to protect what is rightfully ours. A truly insane person, if they wanted a gun bad enough, would get one. If a person is quack enough to want to go kill somebody, they're quack enough to go steal a gun. And that is why we have gun laws. To protect ourselves from those that would harm us.
RoperGirl203 9
107 - Yes, there does have to be a warning before you shoot 'em dead. But if they're gunna be shot anyways, who cares? Lmao They are plenty places to hide bodies out in the backwood, and hey, pigs eat anything. ;)
green2go 14
In Texas and if its night time you don't have to warn them
IHateHypocrites 4
Not really. They're not so "insane"... just assholes. I grew up in an area like that. They mostly are self righteous, and think of themselves as good people that are just protecting their property and personal rights. They're not in the state of mind "let's go get us some of the OTHER other white meat". Well... most of them aren't, anyway..........
Sinamoi 18
Ol' Man Jenkins is not pleased with all these whippersnappers on his lawn.
LolPieRofl 11
Yer darn right he aint'
budnut 10
I have a neighbor named Mr. Jenkins, he threw a pair of tongs at me when I was walking down the street
RinaRina 9
Woah! Walk away,. Just smile and walk away.. >_
Sinamoi 18
No. I'm the Man. I do what I want.
MichellinMan 20
Reminds me of Gran Tarino. "GET OFF MY LAWN"
Bright_Lights 14
Torino*
qwillis98 20
@84 Shut the **** up you stupid ass grammar nazi.
Sinamoi 18
140- Fiesty Kitty...
happle 21
Where do you think writers got the idea?
rosha267 21
That sounds so scary! FYL indeed
AnimalLover1031 8
For now on, just avoid joging through that area
Looee 20
*jogging
Shrouds 14
No shit... I'm sure an encore was not on his to-do list.
AnimalLover1031 8
Never said it was buddy.
Looee 20
*From now on
CharresBarkrey 16
Your entire comment implies that you thought OP would go back...
ICastillo 25
You're lucky he didn't say" I like your lips boy, we're going to have fun with you"
BntyHntrSeattle 30
8- Well, that escalated quickly.
lelo007 11
Hey!! Now I know what to tell the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses when they come knocking on my door!
Jordath_Fil 11
I hear banjos!
senor_awesome 14
"Alright boy, get in there all nice and deep like."
panda_lou 11
Mmhmm you got a purdy mouth mmhmm
Snowcones 14
Were you walking on private property? I don't think anyone should even be pointing guns, how stupid, but you also shouldn't be walking on private property
lilhellian 27
I could understand the guns.. But there should be signs up. (not saying there wasn't.)
saltycookies 5
Hey at least he didn't plug you
Jordath_Fil 11
In what way? O.o