Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Always trust notes on your windows
Tuesdaythe10th 11
Your username is very creative
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Comments (70)
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Pick whichever side offers you the biggest prize. Or, better yet, choose neutrality.
Psych101 9
Good idea, except I feel like neutrality with these neighbors would end in both sides fighting OP.
brackaman 18
I'd pick the side of whoever wrote the note. They seem like the least rational and the one more likely to do something batshit insane if OP refuses them.
halliemarie1818 5
Tell them both that you pick their side so they won't know?
OhDearBetrayal 25
Except maybe when they're tearing at each others throats and they scream at OP to back them up.
Mideoyeo 12
Be your own side OP :D
savvy711 1
Put Switzerland on your mailbox.
stevenJB 25
I don't get it? Or is Switzerland like a neutral country or something?
Psych101 9
43- Please refer to comment number 16.
SenselessPattern 12
I don't want to start another history argument about bullshit like paraguay, but knowing Switzerland is very neutral is usually middle-school knowledge. I'm not judging, just a little odd you never heard of that.
RoseCrystal 17
Time to act like Switzerland and stay neutral but with a barbed wire fence.
walmartpaysme 15
I flew into Zurich once and they had soldiers walking around the airport with some pretty big weaponry. That's what OP needs. Some protection.
petshark 4
Neighbors! *sigh*
hb215 2
My neighbors are chill, I don't know what you're sighing for...
FarSide 23
Sue both their asses.
AwkwardHaole808 16
Sue for what exactly?
perdix 31
Choose the one that didn't bleach your lawn. An attack with chemical weapons warrants a response with nuclear arms. Go with the nukes!
pink_raindrops 26
I'd pick the person who didn't bleach you're lawn (I'm guessing that they didn't do it together since they hate each other so much)......though if you pick the person who did maybe it wont happen again lol.
paijus 0
You could like nerf gun them from the windows and blame it on the other neighbor
BunchieRules 31
I'm pretty sure they would know it was him, because his house is between theirs. And anyways, who knows how those crazy neighbors would retaliate...