Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
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Top comments
Exodiafinder687 58
Just make sure you have some lube in case Willy wants to visit his chocolate factory.
challan 19
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do... He has the perfect penis for you. Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee... If you are wise, you'll listen to me. What do you get when you guzzle down cum? Eating and getting it in the bum. Why are you at getting terribly sore? Because he thinks your his personal *****.
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Comments (77)
docphilsman 15
you made Mr willy happy
GummiieBear 12
What's wrong with these females that have no sense of humor?
hurricate 1
Mr. Willy would really appreciate it if you sucked him.. Mhmm.
Soninuva 41
Look at the bright side, it could have been first person!