Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a text from an old hook up. I assumed it was a mistake, since we hadn’t spoken in years. She replied that her fiancé just dumped her after finding our old chat log. The last message was 10 years ago, and apparently she has become a prude since then, so now I’m a homewrecker. FML
Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML
Today my girlfriend of three years broke up with me. Why? She wasn’t sure about the relationship anymore. She seemed pretty sure though, seeing she was on Tinder less than two hours after, thanks to the three different friends who all called me about it. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML
Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML
Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML
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Top comments
SleepingSkulls 0
This is probably the saddest thing I've ever read.
imsosleepy 9
A hooker? Did you honesty expect a Disney-styled happily ever ending?
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Comments (238)
lgs25 0
ydi for giving a hooker your number
maphineRAWRS 10
why not get a girlfriend? the sex is free that way ;)
MisterW_fml 0
Pay for girlfriend, deserve sex? The hooker gets my vote.
maphineRAWRS 10
lol wait what? "pay for girlfriend, deserve sex" I don't understand?
UrTheWorstCharac 0
26 - Are a Vietnam war hooker or something? Your statement makes no sense.
iamthelaw 1
what? girlfriend sex is far from free. your taking her out to eat, buying her shit, etc. If your having sex with a woman your most likely paying for it in some way.
phatdaddy62 23
free sex from a girlfriend. Are you kidding? girlfriends are WAY more expensive than hookers!
maphineRAWRS 10
lol okay so HAVING a girlfriend costs money. but like technically, the sex specifically is free, like you don't finish and go "here you go" and hand her a few hundred bucks haha 67- that's some cheaps hookers haha
redbluegreen 41
Everyone's willing to trade sex for something, ie., a drink, a relationship, or money. Is the time and type of payment really what defines one to be a prostitute?
WallyTheWombat 0
Also some people use hookers just for sex. You don't have to call them or cuddle after. No driving them home or giving them cab fare. You can't do that with a GF and expect to keep her for long. If you travel a lot for business then it wouldn't really be fair to your wife/GF and we all have urges. So a hooker is a nice alternative if you aren't afraid of maybe getting robbed or catching something. Also, in places where prostitution is legal, the hookers are regularly tested for diseases.. at least they are supposed to be. Getting a GF isn't always the best option. OP said that it's one that he sees regularly so we can rule out travel, but my other points may apply in this situation. Either way, OP needs to find a new bank to make deposits in.
MuchDance90s 0
excep
MuchDance90s 0
except that you are screwing with the knowledge, or at least the suspicion that, she only wants to be with you because of $$$ granted, same could be said for a gf, if you have a crappy gf, but one wouldn't *choose* a gf like that, so why a hooker? just because she's cheaper? have some respect for, and confidence in, yourself...
colombiancartel 0
Unless shes over weight and insecure then the sex is free
klipper57 12
You have never had a girlfriend have you? Sex with a hooker is way cheaper
bebacklater 0
ydi for been paying for sex...
EvilDave 13
All men pay for sex. It is just a question of when and how.
mexipunker 0
You suck at life.....
rencegoh 0
ydi. u should go to a clinic to check for stds and hiv.
BloodyHeel 8
As well as mental illnesses that may explain regularly paying a hooker for sex.
Coolaaron88 9
sex should always be free. ydi for paying.
docscientist 10
Sex is never free. You're just paying in other ways.
MuchDance90s 0
I'm loling at all the dudes bitching about the cost of sex if you have to pay for sex in any manner whether it's a hooker or buying a chick dinner.......... you're not doing it right
heyjenn 0
Maybe she fell for you and she got herpes from someone else and didn't want you to catch it! Or you fail at life.
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
^ haha, perfect ^
Howljerk 0
You've got a way with words.
MisterW_fml 0
.
BloodyHeel 8
!
psymon_fml 0
HAHAHA!!!!!