Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
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Top comments
osm1989_fml 6
He's the ****** Whisperer.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Grab his dick and say: "Longeeeer"
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Comments (134)
sl524 4
Lol. After reading this my laugh started off as a slow chuckle to a boisterous outburst of laughter....that's terribly sad.
annabubble101 4
I read it as brother
The_F3rris 11
Some people need a little education. If he is new to this, help him out a little :) everyone starts somewhere.
Saone_fml 27
Wow, i uhm... laughed so much that i cried, thank you so much for that i'd been feeling down lately thinking about my old cat =( But your boyfriend needs to watch less ****, or watch it together and point out things he could do or something.
HRBINGER0fdeath 3
You need to teach him.
somewhatfuckedup 6
I lol'd so hard at this, then felt immediate sympathy for you. Teach him the ways, he'll learn, and you'll be pleased.
Zacham 5
but the clit is so easy to find why do men have trouble with this.
Nanael_fml 4
Different strokes for different folks. Teach him the strokes you like which is what every one female or male should do when with a partner for the first time. Plus it's fun to do. Makes the first time consist of more excitement and talking not to mention more pleasurable. You don't have to just rush into it.
RICHMOND920 3
meat curtains can make it confusing
deadlydeadd 2
I read this wrong I thought he wanted you to cum in his ear lol