Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML
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Top comments
IntoTheClouds 42
That's ******* awesome haha
annalily5 28
Normally I'd be offended that a Lord of the Rings reference would turn you off, but no matter how awesome he is, Gollum and sex are thoughts that should never be mixed. Ever.
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Comments (131)
IntoTheClouds 42
That's ******* awesome haha
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Take it as a compliment OP. You're mother ******* precious.
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Yeah, sounds awesome.
ImaSnowman 2
That sh** is funny as ****, i just died xD
sens3sfailing 25
But you're a snowman! Snowmen can't die! They melt! Unless you're frosty, then you should give back the mans damn hat you thief!
mydadpulledout 17
#83, why did you edit "shit", but not "****"?
FurryPride 9
If you can't hand LOTR references don't go in my room.
sunkistfitch 4
Maybe he's..... IDK what he is.
ArielTheMermaid 17
I would have fallen off the bed laughing xD that's hilarious!
NandraniDevi 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That really sucks.....
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Did you know that there is this pretty epic button for your comment? *sarcasm*
SandiRainbowFish 20
#2 I'm guessing that's why they posted it on "**** My Life."
sugarshane007 20
Well imagine that! On a site about people's messed up lives? Who would ever expect someone to have something sucky happen to the on here? I am certainly shocked. Thank you for the riveting commentary!
SirEskimo 13
I think we need at least two more comments informing 2 on her mistake, she definitely didn't get it the first time guys.
KiddNYC1O 22
24- Funnily enough, there's a button for yours too...
JoeRogansBEARD 15
2 YOUR COMMENT IS BAD, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD
cameraman97 4
Ew that is overused. And awkward to read.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Yes there is a button. There's a button for everything isn't there -_-.
alliem199521 10
Lol the ****? Weird.
alliem199521 10
Lmfao
iSpasticFantasti 14
I think you reacted appropriately haha, no dump him comment but honestly, what was he thinking?
happyllama12 5
Did anyone else not get what she just said? ^
LolPieRofl 11
I didnt
cosmosis 12
Go home 4! Youre drunk!!!
wolfhausen 7
She said something along the lines of: I feel your reaction was appropriate. I am not going to make a dump him comment, but I must say what was he thinking? ;)
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Things make so much more sense when worded properly
connerwonner 7
We need Doc Bastard's translator again
iSpasticFantasti 14
Maybe it would have made more sense if I'd said: no "dump him" comment or not saying dump him
Luv_bug45 0
Just stop...
cosmosis 12
Nope. Not really...
TheWindowLicker 13
86, I think you need to lighten up. I feel every time I see you comment it is rude or condescending. With that said, the original comment did take me a minute to decipher.
verkaderk 9
#4/#73... Both your comments are just terribly worded... Take an English class and than come back when you've learnt a thing or two
decidedlyvague 11
I GET IT!!! She's saying that she's not telling her to dump him, but what he did is very strange. I feel like I just bested a sphinx.
ittybitttyme 8
I'm not a grammar nazi, but would you please use some punctuation so I can At least understand what the junk you just said?!?
TurquoiseJesus 15
Don't worry, OP. I came buckets in your place just reading that line.
hama806 19
Too funny...but I hope OP got her groove back on.
aJaguarinRed 9
At least somebody came!
annalily5 28
Normally I'd be offended that a Lord of the Rings reference would turn you off, but no matter how awesome he is, Gollum and sex are thoughts that should never be mixed. Ever.
Inheritance 10
Tree Beard and all his treants are much offended. No, to soon? You may unleash the wrath of Mordor on me. Happened again, oh well. Thumb me down as you choose. I got help from the elves.
IceColdSnow 11
Amen
trippythehippy 6
I think he took role play to a entirely new level. And a new level of fail.... Hope you bought batteries
Welshite 40
That's when you whisper back: "He wants the precious. Always he is looking for it. And the precious is wanting to go back to him... But we mustn't let him have it"
Warden1986 16
I read that in Gollum's voice.
MsMourningStar 22
This comment alone almost made me cum. Much appreciation.
hpbrocster7 3
You sit around reading FMLs and masturbating. That's normal.
Sharkitaxrscary 12
Never use the terms "********" and "withered away" in the same sentence.
BulldogHoops 14
You just did.
raycj 1
Haha!!
CoDHater 9
Why?
karamman 5
I'm sorry but I find that hilarious :)