Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
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Top comments
osm1989_fml 6
He's the ****** Whisperer.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Grab his dick and say: "Longeeeer"
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Comments (134)
BoratSagdiyev 2
How about teaching him instead of being so judgmental? Not everyone is born a great lover.
withasmile 3
TEACH HIM - nicely, in a fun sexy way.
dutchpower 5
Okay that's so bad... My first time i gave her an ****** and no awkward stuff al around it, you reaaaally should learn him all the do's and dont's.....
TcheQ 12
I'll help you out OP. As long as you aren't hideous. I'm not :p
Knarf_fml 10
Showing him what you like would help and create intimacy! Plus side its hot to watch a women, a man on the other hand? Just go to a zoo you got the idea!
Samba1234 13
I know I sound stupid, but what does "OP" mean? :)
sweetcatastroph3 9
it means "original poster", the person who posts the FML
VirtKitty 8
Then she needs to ********** and find out what works for her.
sweetcatastroph3 9
no, there's no "teaching". no one ever taught me how to do anything. you learn from experience and ****. to shove your hands down someone's pants and whisper in the person's ear for them to cum, that's not lack of experience, that's lack of common sense. even if he knew how to find the ********, he'd still whisper that to her and that's just gross. i'm pretty sure he also owns a black van with tinted windows. if he has no experience, he needs to watch some ****.
fail_gurl21 7
*facepalm*
Knarf_fml 10
I heard when you flush water goes counterclockwise in OZ? He might have forgotten to rub counterclockwise to account for being below your equator?
Knarf_fml 10
.