Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML
Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML
Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
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Top comments
jonomc 12
This whole FML leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
allforfun 23
At least you didn't wake up next to him
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Comments (118)
arronu 9
youre a straight male....wait...JUSTIN BIEBER IS A GUY?!? when did this happen?
clawstrophobic 15
It's usually the most homophobic people that are secretly gay...
kalbrek009 20
You may believe you're "totally straight" but you're subconscious says you're "bi like Bieber" & in the closet. Anyone who doesn't think Bieber is bi...guess you're in denial as well. Lol
Michal99 12
Lmfao, this is the funniest fml ever.
caliguy08 17
Psychologically speaking, you might not be straight and you might have deep seeded homosexual desires....just saying
MrZsDad 19
Whew!!! It could be worse, you could start liking his music.
protoskore 27
I've seen the photos on TMZ, that's quite a mouthful
bobthenob 14
damn... Please message us back to let us know you're ok...
adamdangel0 3
why do you even know what giving a ******* from first person looks like
liamb1222 13
Then obviously you're not straight