Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML
Today, I dreamed that I cheated on my boyfriend. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I called him while half-asleep to tell him about it and apologize. I'm fully awake now and he doesn't believe it was really a dream. FML
Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML
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Top comments
facefirst 0
That blows.
mykehawke 0
you can be my roommate anytime
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Comments (138)
giiiiinge 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
lmaooooooo
DameGreyWulf 1
LOL Nice, nice, very nice. [edit] Ah, the comment I replied to said "Dreams do cum true." Damn you, Faulty Comment System! I wonder if he pretended it never happened because he didn't want you finding out or because he found himself oddly disturbed by how much he enjoyed it. (And I mean the latter regardless of gender; think about if your friend (I would assume you'd be friends if you were room mates) just randomly came in, half asleep, and started giving you oral? Confusingly good)
skulldrix 0
LMAO!!!
giiiiinge 0
ooh i was first and i didn't even notice :) at least this is one less FML that doesn't have FIIIIIIRST!!! as a comment -.- :L
PoopTrainDix 0
are you a girl!?
megamuffin128 0
regardless of whether your a guy or a girl maybe your dreams are trying to tell you something
DemonicFatty 2
sleepover at my house
sexycourtcourt 0
haha I've done that before lol it was hella funny
giorgi0202 9
American girls are such ****** they cant even stop sucking dick in their sleep
giiiiinge 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
lmaooooooooooo
Clitastrophe 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you're a girl, he's cool. If you're a guy, time to switch rooms?
Zoroark899 6
Pretty sure it is a guy. I don't think they put opposite genders as roommates. :)
ahti546 11
It may not be a college dorm, could just an apartment, in which case most don't care.
acciofrenchhorn 16
What I want to know is why it would be ok if they were a girl?
supersitter 11
You mean not if you're a girl/guy, but if you are interested in guys/girls, right?
Clitastrophe 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you're a girl, he's cool. If you're a guy, time to switch rooms?
Clitastrophe 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Doesn't say in here, either.
Clitastrophe 0
I have no clue what the **** is wrong with FML today. I just don't.
facefirst 0
That blows.
gods_hunter10 0
that is an oxiemoron... nice job *high fives*
imcannedfruit 0
You're so punny!!! :)
xxroseyxx 0
ahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha good one!
mayumm 0
WIN @ 6 && look at the picture to ..... lol
cupcake10101 0
I love puns :) and nice picture
almostalbino 10
that's not an oxymoron... fail
dyschordia 0
No - that's not an oxymoron. That's a pun. But I guess if you don't know how to spell the word you probably don't know how to define it, either...
h8rs_get_at_me 4
105- i agree
mckibabe 7
Yah your life really sucks.
mykehawke 0
you can be my roommate anytime
weissesengel 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
-.- dumb
idontcare8l 3
ahem let me correct you , smart!
HunterB0y 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'd shoot myself
a192837465 0
wow that would be amazing. lol free blow jobs everynight and no worries
MorlekEngel 0
Damn.... Is he attractive? mmmmmm sleep sex...... Oral sex. Whatever.
blland 0
your life is a dream.