Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML
Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML
Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
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Top comments
jonomc 12
This whole FML leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
allforfun 23
At least you didn't wake up next to him
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Comments (118)
Fairyjoshy 13
I'm a gay male and I feel sorry for you.
ners79 9
How is it his fault? You're the one who apparently wants it
Severefear 7
At least he didn't do you?
LegitimateSalmon 12
Is oral on a chick really hat weird for a straight male to do?
murph_fml 21
I don't think that "totally straight" means what you think it does.
NYGiants1925 22
Are you sure you're straight?
wanderer_alone 8
Sue bieber for emotional distress and for therapy
desireesun 12
But Justin Bieber doesnt have a dick?
VeeFML 10
Why wouldn't he? He's male. These comments of insulting him by calling / insinuating he is a woman have got to stop.
baristalbc 18
No longer a perfect zero on the Kinsey scale?
vikky538 29
Its not a dream its the worst nightmare a man can ever have