NSFW: Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having...

Anonymous 11 June 2014, 22:20 Barnhart, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

114 comments

Collection

Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

margelover 11 October 2011, 19:06 Denmark 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

222 comments

Anonymous 21 November 2015, 10:03 Norwalk, United States

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

62 comments

Anonymous 10 July 2012, 10:03 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

98 comments

Randy Candy 12 February 2021, 17:01 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Poor pillow

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

2 comments

AwkwardMoments 26 January 2017, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

17 comments

Anonymous 25 September 2015, 20:14 Germany

Night terrors

Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML

49 comments

Anonymous 17 January 2016, 18:41 Valparaiso, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

62 comments

Dead_Fox 21 November 2012, 05:48 Jonesboro, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

95 comments

urgg 5 September 2010, 14:20 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

162 comments

Anonymous 7 June 2012, 17:41 Oregon City, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML