Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML
Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML
Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
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Top comments
jonomc 12
This whole FML leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
allforfun 23
At least you didn't wake up next to him
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Comments (118)
lavapants 15
So you like shemales.
idk_rose 25
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
PotatoesAndCake 26
How did he moan? Was it like, "Baby, baby, baby ohhhhhhhhhhhh" or something?
darkbishop5 7
Look out. We got a smartass over here.
luvlu444 24
if everyone billed him whenever he made someone get therapy, hed be broke
vickyP89 2
wow one homoerotic dream is sending you into therapy? chill out with the homphobia
doodlecloud 27
Homoerotic dreams = fine. Justin Beiber dreams = not fine.
Mynxie 26
How is that homophobia? People throw that word around too much these days.
alvarny 17
correction: you were a totally straight male.
jonomc 12
Also I hope u didn't suck to hard or you might suck his brains out
jonomc 12
Don't be rude about Justin Beiber. He saved my life. 2 months ago I was in hospital, in a coma for the third month - they were close to switching the machines off. A nurse left a radio in my room so I could have sound all the time. A Justin Beiber song came on the radio, and I woke up and got out of bed. I went over to the radio and turned it off.
Riceball__o3o 15
It's 2015 bro. Let that joke die.
RedPillSucks 33
first time I'm hearing it. thought it was funny
jonomc 12
Now just in bed with a cold and bored.
tibtak_fml 10
apparently it's not just your life that sucks ;)
DrummerWS 23
Wow ...