Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Your dad is awesome! If the guys have any sense of humour they will know your dad was taking the piss out of you. But then again it could be your dads way of keeping you away from boys. Either way Dad: 1 Daughter: 0
roxii__x 0
"URRRRGH, DAD!"
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Comments (113)
Locket_fml 0
ah, my first first comment. yippee. nothing else to add..
Lucidium 0
First first reply to the first replier I've ever done, we should both be awarded.
gehoy 0
Here, you can both have a ?. Grats!
CurlyChica808 4
109 and 1 - wanna cookie?
Bbhd05 0
I do 115...
reras89 0
Your dad sucks
mak349 0
haha your dad rools!
xxxbooxxx 16
yes. her dad is amazing :)
torch433 1
hell yeh :D
WickedFan 12
*Rules
8313girl 28
Rools? Wow! Please tell me you did that on purpose to be funny.
Deviant_fml 5
you went to the store to buy toilet paper... so, how was your stomach feeling?
Kennzz 0
just because that's all they needed doesn't mean her stomach was hurting. I'm pretty sure if you ran out of toilet paper you would make a run to the store too.. what if you took a shit?
roxii__x 0
"URRRRGH, DAD!"
hayleyblack2u71 21
#5 Good job! Makes OP sound constipated, nice add-on.
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Your dad is awesome! If the guys have any sense of humour they will know your dad was taking the piss out of you. But then again it could be your dads way of keeping you away from boys. Either way Dad: 1 Daughter: 0
Safko 0
your dad's funny :3
rebi_fml 0
I agree with #6. Your dad rocks! Enjoy the fact that he loves you enough to mess with you =)
will90 5
all in good fun. look for an opening to get him back.
ArtGirl87 0
Haha, this totally sounds like my dad and I! It's great that he cares enough to give you a hard time. :) Now all you have to do is find a way to get him back...