Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML
Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. I swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
frozenfreeze 5
That was a corny joke...
bigred7070 0
how did you know it was "sweet" corn. lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (154)
shelbyhamilton 0
sucks to be you.
HugoBosss_fml 0
Floaters...
eshhayz 0
some good premium sniff, no worries mate
glenzhao2 16
This is why I don't want to be a lifeguard.
Kefka91 15
Been there... I hate little kids with a passion.
bingababe 16
Well it's a good thing you'll probably never have any then, isn't it?
phatdaddy62 23
Ohhh, SNAP Bingababe! : )
Kawboy 1
47.. awsome!. anyways I was a lifegaurd once and some blue kid god me fired!
Kawboy 1
got* my bad
EvilPotato 15
that sounds awesome.
TookaWooka666 0
I hope the OP saved some of dat sweet corn for later, that's the perks of being a lifeguard mmm.
Zeek63 0
I would follow him home sneak into his bed room and have a vicious victory shit all over his bed! America!!!!
anon2468 0
"I don't remember having any corn!!"
bingababe 16
Thumb it down people....but you all know it's true!!
Evan2297 0
This is like Caddyshack. SPALDING NO!!!! DOODIE!!!!
MrBoredomioo 18
82, what the **** O.o
RugbyKid 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you got yourself a pretty shitty job there
Foxfire140 0
No. Just no. That joke was so lame, it hurts. lol
frozenfreeze 5
That was a corny joke...
Minecraftaddict 0
Ahhhhhh! nice.
GreenMaze 0
"sweetcorn"?
phatdaddy62 23
For ***** Sake, it only took to the 2nd comment for the lame ass shitty remark.
Kawboy 1
52 I agree, it's def the most overused pun! it gets old fast!
blondebrunette11 4
haha..that.was.funny. only not... Gosh, your job really stinks!!
Yngve_fml 9
i liked 33's comment though
igotnolegs 1
If 33's pun was intended; awesome comment!
eshhayz 0
WTF 52 ur wrinklier than my grandpa"s balls
PrincessesCrown 17
Yummy, looks like you will have a happy next meal with those images in your head.
arrow007archer 19
I was eating when I read this FML
painlessmind 11
little kids are annoying as ****!
Redneck42 0
so are pricks like you
MissAimeeAngel 15
your pic kinda freaks me out....
XxMaseratiGurlxX 1
well thats mean.
kkmwong 11
same with yours
Jamialia 5
I agree.
cmwatson33 2
I know 23 didn't approach in the best way, but she was just firing back at a rude and unneeded comeback. Hers was equally unnessecary, but you should come on FML just to put people down. she shouldn't have done it either, but you're just using straight-up hypocrisy.
Ldesu 0
Sweetcorn out the wazoo? I'd like an explanation here.
tigerkyle92 0
Wouldn't you drain the pool first?
phatdaddy62 23
Are you high?
red1355 6
uuummmmm.... ya. that is a bio hazzard!! you would have to drain the pool and scrub it with certain chemicals before u could let anyone swim in it again....
california283 6
yep! I call bullshit on this one... and its not even that funny. I was a life guard and a kid pooped in the pool. they had to drain the pool and everyone had to get out of the water .. including guards.
fox413 0
yeah that would be all unsanitary and whatnot to let people swim in shit-contaminated water...
irritatedone 5
You guys are retarded. People pee in pools all the time and they don't get drained for that. Proper procedure is to remove the chunks and add a little extra chlorine to the pool.
duma191 21
proper procedure for pools under 50,000 gallons is to drain them. If over 50 you clean and add double shock to the affected pool.
canttouchthis90 0
He left you your lunch in the pool, let's just say he thought of you.
beasting 0
ghhddvkjdfv d
mexicotoucher 7
At least no one pushed you in
mtlooney225 0
Free lunch at work today!(: haha sorry though, doesn't sound like much fun at all/:
capitalone 0
Yumm, I totally wanted to read this while eating. yay me.