Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, I saved a woman from drowning at a pool where I lifeguard, but when I got her out of the water she started screaming about sexual assault. Apparently I accidentally brushed her breasts when pulling her up and out of the water. She wants to sue me. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML
Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML
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Top comments
AnOriginalName 19
Tell the parents to sue the little shit who thought it would be funny to shit in the pool. I'm sure you didn't tell him to do that.
Verst 16
Hold the little shit responsible. Don't take the hit.
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Comments (104)
AnOriginalName 19
Tell the parents to sue the little shit who thought it would be funny to shit in the pool. I'm sure you didn't tell him to do that.
Lebeaugars95 20
This is literally dropping the kids off at the pool
JacobH34 10
Talk about a turd in the punch bowl
Soloman212 28
It's the boss's fault for hiring the kid as a lifeguard.. (This is a joke about the OP's wording. Please don't hurt me.)
AnOriginalName 19
#66, I applaud your effort and attention to grammar, but it was such a shitty joke....
badluckalex 23
op should take the turd and smear it all over the kids face. :)
razi1 20
Oh crap, good luck with any lawsuits
DarkSaul 20
Someone needs the star of "You tried".
Michaelgf 13
It's funny how the world works at times...
jojimugo 20
That shit ain't funny, no pun intended
Simbaby 23
I would've have been pissed off at that little shit. You'd think he would know better.
bettyxoxo 11
What did the little shit do? Blame the damn kid!
Verst 16
Hold the little shit responsible. Don't take the hit.
barakados 11
And blame the kid as well.
RedPillSucks 33
That's way funnier than it should have been
feven 32
Normally I would be understanding towards the parents (you guys not taking more precaution towards their children's safety and such) but this is unacceptable. You don't deserve it. That ******* kid needs help.
junkman6 22
You can't expect one person who's watching for drowning to watch out for the myriad of other idiotic things children do when they're horsing around.
askullnamedbilly 33
There's usually a 'no running' rule at pools, also known as 'you'll slip and fall, idiot' rule. If the kids aren't sticking to basic pool safety etiquette, it's hardly the lifeguard's fault.
ChristianH39 30
To be fair, It is the lifeguards job to enforce those safety rules. Although this case is obviously an exception since he had everyone rushing out of the pool at once
junkman6 22
That's not fair at all. Lifeguards can't enforce any rules and kids know it. All they can do is say "no running" and blow their whistle. Beyond that they'd have to deal with idiot parents saying the lifeguard was "bullying" their kid for doing anything more. Trust me I've seen it and I've seen people get fired for trying to enforce rules around other peoples kids.
feven 32
Oh true okay.
Welshite 40
Of course it's your fault! You should always carry around a pack of diapers as part of your life-saving duties. For shame, OP!
ChristianH39 30
Yea I really do wonder what OPs boss thinks he should've done in that situation..
junkman6 22
Should have thrown a toaster into the water and electrocuted all the kids so they didn't get hurt running. ^ That's sarcasm ^
Sandsh8rk 36
Yeah, but then they would all be dead. That would bring more than a few lawsuits.
dawnimus 21
I used to be a lifeguard and was constantly asked to provide plasters (band-aids) for scraped knees etc. When I pointed them to the first aid hut and said I didn't carry them (because I go in the water and they'd get wet), I would get absolutely horrified looks from parents who thought it was my job to stop watching my water and go and fetch their bratty little kid a bandage. Note to parents: lifeguard not looking at the pool = unsafe pool.
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah swim diapers should be part of the life guarding kit. Haha. They work well. I've crapped in pools lots though swim diapers saved the day.
myusername23 17
It's sad that in this day and age we need to point out sarcasm for all the idiots out there.
junkman6 22
FML used to be amazing for the sarcastic remarks. Now it seems like every comment wants to comfort and console someone for doing something stupid. C'est la vie I miss docbastard, perdix, and Noor comments that weren't buried by hypersensitive teenagers.
Nyx_fml 23
I don't know, junkman. It seems to me like it's more about people making bad jokes and then hiding under the "it was sarcasm" excuse. OR maybe people just didn't think it was funny? Jesus, people care about thumbs way too much. Maybe that's why they end up making unfunny, desperate, obvious jokes.
Sandsh8rk 36
#93, I was already aware of the sarcasm when I made my comment. I tried to make an equally sarcastic comment, obviously it didn't work out too well.
junkman6 22
Of course it didn't sand shark. You didn't explicitly say "sarcasm" so everyone thought you were serious. SMDH.
ber4fun13 10
Hmm...there's a certain term for this kind of situation..
Pentium_4 27
yes: "I agree, your life sucks."
krupa1017 18
That kid is gross!
katlin_michelle 9
A kid did that at the public pool that I swam at when I was younger and he was old enough to know to get out. Sorry!