Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage." When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML
Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML
Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically." She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless." FML
Today, I was driving home and got a phone call from my mom. She called to tell me that there was a cop at the bottom of our hill, and to be careful. I got a ticket for talking on my cell phone while driving. FML
Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5 mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML
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Top comments
RugbyKid 0
**** you alcoholics I can arrest you whenever I want
roseydot 0
Your mom kicks ass.
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Comments (128)
JoeMan13 0
damn!! ur mamas a boss!! tell her to hit me up ;D
XxMaseratiGurlxX 1
i think shes gunnu be a little busy for a while. lmao.
JoeMan13 0
busy with what?? ;) lol.
pertained 12
rotting in jail
XxMaseratiGurlxX 1
bahaha with me! lmfao jk i was gunnu say rotting in jail too baha.
JoeMan13 0
haha. u hella retarded!! ayy u should give me ur email or something cuz talking on here is wack hahaha.
rarr 0
Oh boy.
XxMaseratiGurlxX 1
my email is on muh profile smartness :) lmfao
JoeMan13 0
lol ok I got it :)
XxMaseratiGurlxX 1
*claps* good job! lol!
EvilPotato 15
inside the police station...hey is this your mom? OP- Nope i don't know here at all.
falluke17 0
aw, love at first fml...
A7X_LoVeee 10
Yeah she's such a boss for getting behind the wheel intoxicated! /dumbasses
RugbyKid 0
**** you alcoholics I can arrest you whenever I want
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
haha good play on words
woahbro2slow 0
wouldn't she be driving
YacL 15
She probably got out of her car and ran.
Raywjrulezbutfml 0
She was... Until she hit a stop sign
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
no until she hit a squirrel went off court went into a ditch and then was rushed to the hospital
eshhayz 0
looks like the alcohol had "driven her" insane haha .
hunter1BOOM 0
**** your puns.
mtlooney225 0
haha!! defiantly not an fyl. that's when you go running after her going along with what she's saying. oooor, point and laugh or look in shock and awe and pretend you don't know her!
WiderWille 11
I read the FML more like that he thinks his life is ****** because he didn't recognised his mother and thats indeed a FHL
cupcakeslayer 0
I was wondering what part was the FML. is it that the op is in the 2% of the population with prosopagnosia or that the mom has issues...maybe both?
A7X_LoVeee 10
...Or that he realized his mother is a complete low life.
oblio 0
yeah, it's all fun and games when your mom is a crazy alkie!
Kyze_Ninja 10
90 being below the influence is being high. Note the Above the Influence commercials
roseydot 0
Your mom kicks ass.
Reality_bites 14
Yeah hope your trolling cause she's not so awesome when she actually causes an accident that either hurts or kills someone while driving under the influence. It DOES happen you know. I should know.
phatdaddy62 23
OK Reality, I'll bite. Why should you know?
Reality_bites 14
Cause I was involved in a really bad car accident recently due to a drunk driver coming through a red light at high speed. Luckily for me I was driving and he hit my passenger side. I spent five weeks in hospital and it was just over 7 weeks before I could walk again without the aid of crutches. All because some f*head decided he didnt want to be done for drinking driving for a fourth time.
fluffyrocka 0
BULLSHIT 43, bullshit....
Reality_bites 14
No actually its not bullshit. I fractured my pelvis in two places, fractured three vertebras in my lower back, broke a bone in my hand and had to undergo surgery to fix it. I was NOT the drunk driver, I was completely sober and now as a result of the accident I DESPISE anyone that drinks and drives. You have no idea how it feels to not be able to do basic things like stand in the shower, pick things off the floor etc simply because someone T-bones you at high speed. But its ok, you are entitled to think what you want, I hope you never have to go through what I did.
No_LoveMM 3
Drunk driver 1, Reality_bites 0
longbeck4 28
I completely believe you. drunk drivers are crazy. I feel sorry you had to go through that.
mexicotoucher 7
Your mum sounds awesome.
jmtmxer 0
5 - u fail at life.... and I'm pretty sure mexicans don't use the word mum......
emo0366 0
unless #5 is a british mexican
mexicotoucher 7
I'm not Mexican. it's just a name. I'm from New Zealand.
XXizzlerXX 0
95 - that's a stereotype .. anyone can say the word MUM .. it's not a crime
tigerkyle92 0
This is why I fly to destinations instead of driving on a highway when the option is available
phatdaddy62 23
Hello, American Airlines? I'd like a rountrip ticket to the corner market for this afternoon please . . .
OhbbyCx 6
Dude. Your smart ass-ness is awesome.
maria4234 2
wow that's just dumb. I would rather save my money and take a nice ride in my car than waste money for a seat on an airplane next to random people that I don't know.
jagdeep94 0
ok smart no1 gaf bout what u do
poprockz96 12
At number 6- Sincerely, Hancock~
alexsmokesdro91 0
Psh, cops always trying to ruin someones fun.
barlessprison 16
Hey since you're from NJ, you should ask your mom to try out for the next season of Jersey Shore. I hear Snooki needs a new BFF.
Raywjrulezbutfml 0
Maybe i will lol
racheljessie 17
*huccups* What's the officer, problem? ( I know, bad joke.)
No_LoveMM 3
Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not god!
alicecanitbe 0
LMAO!!!! xD
racheljessie 17
No, I'm not too drive to drunk!
Chavezcpc 5
Tard
bironbaby 0
Hahaha
MarcyMarc 4
was it awkward when she got home...?
1215116a 14
I don't think she went home for a while...