Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "But I just peed in that water." FML
Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. I swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML
Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
Please god no-one make the joke.
skittycat213 19
New rule: you shit in pool, you (or your parents depending on your age) get to help clean out pool or pay extra for cleaning services? Kinda going along the "break it-buy it" rule
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Comments (100)
CueTheMusic 22
Please god no-one make the joke.
TheCamoWulf 17
The 'this must be a shitty situation' joke?
buddy51 23
You mean.... you mean.... you mean the "well, that's a shitty situation!" joke??
CueTheMusic 22
Yes those, you've killed several of my brain cells
Cashtangoteam 10
'Shit happens' is also a another popular one.
Landowner 8
it was his duty
Wizardo 34
#23, Don't you mean his 'doody'?
hallix 21
Guess this puts a whole new spin on the phrase "dirty humor."
slothsarecool 11
what a crappy job
Lacist 19
I mean an overused pun is an overused pun but it shouldn't really affect you, thumbs down and move on. They should know better, like it to use Comic-Sans; nothing wrong until it gets overused and seems almost unprofessional.
abeg157 14
I mean I did hear having to be a lifeguard was a very crappy job.
Fedezzer 20
#66, with Comic Sans, there is no "until" to it being unprofessional.
Wizardo 34
Literally a cess pool of childish crap. Hopefully you cleared the logs up quick and got out of there.
PterodactylMan 23
OP is shit out of luck
ViRepz 28
I bet the kids were giving enough shit as it is to the OP
justmyswag 9
If they were logs, OP should consider himself lucky.
FMLbutYDI 17
That sucks.
jc10x 8
Thanks captain obvious.
FMLbutYDI 17
Why did that get buried?
jkmartinjk 16
Because it is a lackluster comment that could've been voiced with a simple click of a button! Aka the 'your life sucks' button.
27inch 9
Hey this comment got down voted, but at least he didn't say "that must have been a shitty situation"
Zimmington 21
#44- I read your comment in the voices of kids after a super hero saved the day
mackdeezy 22
When nature calls
webbface 25
Literally dropped the kids off at the pool. Lol
Liamj774 36
Well you see nature is one of the kids' mother and she called because they shit in the pool
skittycat213 19
New rule: you shit in pool, you (or your parents depending on your age) get to help clean out pool or pay extra for cleaning services? Kinda going along the "break it-buy it" rule
littlekellilee 45
That's a good call. Chlorine is expensive.
stlstretch2 11
I agree. As a lifeguard, this would make our lives much more simple.
False_Stupidity 42
Sounds fair
roadie42 21
Those truckloads of pool water are wicked expensive. I agree, let those kids and their parents feel the pinch.
K410 18
Normal people take a dip in the pool not take a dump in the pool >.>
profoundkisses 18
Throw shit at them LOL
iAlissa 34
OP isn't a ******* monkey. ._.
jonmansheppard 9
I think that classifys as child abuse.
willymartinds 9
WTF
DoEpicThings 14
I'm not really sure I could clean it up that's pretty gross. Haha.
feldco1 17
Well that's pretty crappy. I tried
Pwn17 25
And failed.
Uramonkey 11
If you think your comment sucks enough to put "I tried", it probably does.
CrissyyyS2 22
**** this shit. *flips kids*