Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
k_lylepad 19
Why was your daughter eating dog food??
jesuis_julie 21
For the people saying why the baby is kissing her/him in the lips; they're babies! It doesn't matter if they want to kiss you on the lips or cheek! Unless they are like 30 or something then yes it's weird.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (59)
k_lylepad 19
Why was your daughter eating dog food??
ptoka 20
Because little kids will eat random things... My parents always joke that I used to eat dog cookies when I was little.
NotASquirrel 19
ptoka is right, I used to eat crayons and paper as a kid
dramaelf 37
My favorite thing was to eat leaves and pretend I was a dinosaur.
rileyrae0000 23
I feel like this is pretty obvious since we are talking about a 1 year old...
lovelockdown23 23
My son recently just picked up an annoying fascination with dog food, crayons, and hair conditioner. some kids just eat random things.
SubparAtBest 23
Dinosaurs only eat treestars bruh
whatarethisss 23
my favorite thing to eat was chalk sticks.
peachykeen93 17
I used to eat lotion as a little kid, my mom asked the doctor about it and he said it was fine, probably helped my GI tract out! lol
BearGerhart 8
Small kids are still figuring out what's "food" and what isnt. And, tbh, of all the non-food things a one year old can reach, dog food comes the closest to food. It's made for eating, and made to smell appealing (the fact that we don't eat it/ think it smells all that great has much more to do with conditioning than objectivity. If you get hungry enough it starts smelling just fine). If the dog is healthy and the food bowl gets washed often enough, it's not a huge deal. Discourage it, obviously, but it's not going to make baby sick. (If it's persistent, maybe switch to a small kibble formula if you can to reduce choking hazard to the kid)
Emmamazing 26
Kids do the weirdest things some times
mds9986 24
That's a ruff situation.
crimsonlilies 26
Why are you teaching your child to kiss you on the lips anyway, and not the cheek?
mswhatever 18
The baby is half of them. If the child was like 20 then I could see the issue. But it's a baby! I don't see anything wrong with it.
RainCl0ud 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Even if you don't see anything wrong with it, there's plenty of other places you can kiss a child without passing an intimate boundary
fangirlofthings 21
There's nothing sexual about it, people who see a child give their parents a kiss on the lips and said child is less then 13 and see something sexual are the problem honestly. Same as the schools who get all worried about a 5 or 6 year old's shoulders
rileyrae0000 23
It's perfectly fine to kiss a baby on the mouth. It's very strange that you're sexualizing a kiss between a mother and a small child. When the child grows up, the mouth kissing should probably stop. But as for now, there really shouldn't be judgement for that.
may14th 26
It's a ONE YEAR OLD CHILD!! There's nothing inappropriate about it. My five year old sister still gives all the family kisses on their lips. If you can find something wrong with a child giving their family a teeny little peck then I think you're the one with the problem
itsme82 18
Until my nephew was five we kissed him on the lips. He saw it as a sign of affection. He sees me kiss his aunt all the time so of course he wanted kisses. The fact that you can even attempt to sexualize this is really disturbing.
deathshead 19
honestly its a kiss, its not like they are making out.
MandieL 27
I looked online after I read this, to see the debate and wow was it crazy! People were calling people pedophiles for kissing their kids on the lips. Tons of people sexualize it (yet don't sexualize breastfeeding) and many people just fear the spread of disease such as herpes. I don't understand the sexualization of it, and I only understand the disease spreading if you have such a disease. Other people say it creates a better relationship to show affection and love by kissing your child on the lips as it differentiates the relationship between parent and child vs child and an aunt or uncle who may kiss them on the cheek or forehead. I personally think to each their own, and to do whatever feels comfortable to you and the child. If the child wants to kiss you on the lips, let them. If they don't, then don't. I just wish people would stop bashing people for their parenting skills. As long as the child is not being abused or neglected, it is really no ones business how parents raise their children.
lovelockdown23 23
I kiss my son on his lips and his adorable chubby cheeks.I'm his mother and the act shouldn't be looked down upon. in other countries even the men still kids their fathers on the lips. everything is made into a big deal here just like breastfeeding. Next everyone's going to be against kids coming out of their mothers whoohas
Themexicanbanana 6
your not a pedo if you kiss your young child on the lips but i wouldn't do that. everyone else go ahead.
jordanlite 16
Well said. Personally, it grosses me out but to each their own.
peachykeen93 17
I kiss all of my family members on the mouth and cheeks. In my family we are required to hug and kiss each other every time we greet and say goodbye. Its called love and respect, my family would never sexualized me.
beeferjay 34
if it's good enough for fido why don't you just try it? lol
Odiz747 23
Yum!
Tannasgh 22
At least it wasn't a tonsil tickle
amileah13 26
Keyword: spit
rileyrae0000 23
That's all part of having a young child, I'd suggest getting used to it (while teaching them differently but obviously that takes time)
RainCl0ud 22
YDI for kissing your family on the mouth
amanda182 19
"Family", and it's a 1 year old child. There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. My 3 year old nephew kisses me on the lips. If you sexualize that then there's something wrong with YOU.
longlivelife 13
it's safer not to kiss an infant on the lips. for instance if a family member had herpes or something like that.