Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
gjikvtj 18
Hey, at least it didn't bite you
EverestMelting 23
"Come snuggle with momma!"
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Comments (135)
Bragi 12
What is it, exactly, that you're whining about?
allison12197 23
"Come here kitty, come snuggle with momma." I can't be the only one who immediately thought of that commercial.
SasquatchDeluxe 10
Neither FYL or YDI. Some raccoons can be extremely sociable and almost tame around humans. I'd say you're lucky you got one of those, but, in fact, if the raccoon had been less "tame," he or she wouldn't have approached you so close in the first place.
nicoletaylor1995 5
I'm surprised it let you pet it...
ninjacow123 6
Has anyone told you your beautiful? cause if not I'm telling you right now
Matttis 7
Aww man,that's really cute ^^ Keeping them is an awful idea but I always strive to be a good host, so I hope you at least offered him some cat food?
Witchylady 18
Oh how nice.
more4me 27
Hey, at least it wasn't a skunk ! :P
lasagnanarcotics 14
That is sooo rad, tbh i'd try to take it inside my home and love it (forever)
Michael2687 9
Lucky!! I wish I could pet a raccoon. :(
pastelcarly 1
That thing obviously isn't too wild! :p