Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
gjikvtj 18
Hey, at least it didn't bite you
EverestMelting 23
"Come snuggle with momma!"
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Comments (135)
gjikvtj 18
Hey, at least it didn't bite you
Arwen_Evenstar 37
Exactly, it sounds friendly! Could have yourself a pet racoon. Nature is wonderful.
TechFire 25
Bad idea #38. They are rabies carriers.
mahughes 19
Maybe he couldn't tell what you were either
JocelynKaulitz 28
Rocket Raccoon?
VorpikeII 17
Rocky Racoon?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#42- Pets can get rabies too. Racoons, opossums, skunks, etc aren't inherently rabies carriers... They've got to be infected with the virus by something else first. (If I misunderstood your comment, please disregard this).
reneetlovesyou 30
Besides, if it was rabid, I doubt it'd be snuggling up to all the love OP was giving.
whiskeyandrum 8
So are lots of animals...People own raccoons, opossums, etc. all you gotta do is take it to the vet. (And get the papers, if needed)
EverestMelting 23
"Come snuggle with momma!"
kilullu 16
#2 I love that commercial lol
tpm45 25
I'm glad someone caught the reference.
sdroze1389 31
I was hoping to be the first one to use that. #2 was just way on point. the one with the cop car is also good.
sdroze1389 31
another good raccoon commercial is the insurance guy mayhem with a bunch of raccoons eating attic insulation lol
Door_Productions 19
Or the Walgreens commercial where the raccoons get into family's car and eat their food
dammityou 10
false, any animal with rabies would die in a week or two, I found an injured baby racoon once and brought it back to health, had it as a pet until it grew up and started going outside, one day he never came back
everton99 16
That's just sad raccoons are such cool animals.
DRz_Ice 8
Oh boy at least you're okay! I'm assuming because something happened this fml would of been completely different!
iOceanus 18
Would've... Seriously, I'm amazed people still do this.
gjikvtj 18
Would'f... duh
dragonrider1959 18
Or not at all
DJisHere11 19
This needs a follow up.
TheAbstract 15
It doesn't really need a follow up.
mete_orito 34
I wonder how the raccoon got there on the first place.
ptoka 20
It walked.
ErinRosado 14
65, you just made my day.
can_you_not_ 10
Maybe you need some glasses
AllStache 11
OP never checked to see what she was petting. Sooo I don't know how she would need glasses if she didn't even check.
rocker_chick23 27
18: it's a reference for a sears optical commercial. A woman mistakes a raccoon for her cat because she doesn't have glasses.
mydadpulledout 17
Sounds like a friendly one, you lucked out there!
kc_bbg15 14
keep it
fivetimeslonger 24
No. No no no no NO. Wild animals are and belong wild. Raccoons seem sweet and cute but keeping them as if they're our playthings is harmful to them. So many of these poor things end up in sanctuaries instead of the wild because some bozo decided it would make a cute pet and wigged out when it was too much to handle. Also, you'd probably name it something cliche like Bandit.
raspution 21
Sadly you have a picture of a cat and talk about not keeping wild animals as pets. Any animal including cats can be wild or made a pet just some are easier and more common.
askullnamedbilly 33
#57 Completely wrong. Pets nowadays have been bred selectively over generations to reinforce traits that are seen as positive, most importantly being non-aggressive and less wary of humans. By doing so, they lose the instinctual fear, aggressiveness and physical attributes needed to survive in the wild. A chihuahua will not be able to hunt for itself and protect itself from predators. Another good example is an actual wolf - while you can bottle feed and cuddle a cub without a problem, it will grow more aggressive and territorial as it matures and cease to be a good pet, since it hasn't been domesticated. Wild animals aren't pets, and pets are dependent on humans and should not be released into the wild.
fivetimeslonger 24
Thank you, #67. I knew someone would be ignorant enough to give me crap. Also, #57 she was abandoned when my neighbor was evicted. She chose us, we didn't buy her. She comes and goes as she pleases and every night sleeps next to me, or on me, on her own accord. So hush. Raccoons are wild. Domestic cats (key word there) are not. Now, if my picture was of a pet bobcat or lynx, then I'd be a hypocrite.
hufflepuffle 13
Looks like you have a new pet.
deedeedeniel 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Those things are viscous!
cryssycakesx3 23
viscous!
skychu 18
Well, they do say cats are liquids... ("If I fits, I sits")
BreathingClover 19
evil animal!
pickleonaraft 7
Hey, raccoons might make good pets. You never know...
samsam23t 8
some people think they do and sometimes they are