Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
gjikvtj 18
Hey, at least it didn't bite you
EverestMelting 23
"Come snuggle with momma!"
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Comments (135)
abc_1_2_3 12
Did you then catch it with your pokeball and take him along with you on your journey to become a pokemon master? No? Ok...
pickleonaraft 7
Plot twist: It was actually a zigzagoon.
gjikvtj 18
Plot twist: No
pickleonaraft 7
Plot twist: The raccoons are seeking your flesh for denying their fictional brethren.
gracehi 33
I had a zigzagoon! I loved him he was so cute! Then he evolved and now I don't like him as much anymore. :(
hannah_cheers 30
It could've been worse. It could've bit you.
jriley4u 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You might need to get your cat to the vet. Cat fur and raccoon fur feel nothing alike. Coons aren't near as soft.
crapmaster3000 19
Good thing it didn't bite you raccoons who are out in the daylight usually have rabies.
thevelociraptor 31
Because raccoons magically get rabies from the sun and then the moon cures them...?
Ahjuju223 2
Actually, #19 is right. Almost all animals that have rabies come out in day, (saying they are night animals by nature), because the rabies makes them the opposite of themselves. Some don't eat/drink, become vicious (like dogs or cats) or lose their fear of humans.
gracehi 33
I was thinking that the raccoon might have rabies too. But if it does, why didn't it bite OP? Most strange.
rocker_chick23 27
Depends on where OP lives. I live near the Adirondack mountains and it's not uncommon to see a raccoon running across my lawn to get back to the forest. I have seen opossums, foxes, and skunks do it too.
91hayek 31
I hope your cat is okay.
raspution 21
Raccoons do love their cat meat.
BreathingClover 19
nothing was said about the cat being in danger...
robertmil90 10
should have looked sooner dude
FroggerForReal 11
Keep an open eye I guess and make sure you don't have a raccoon infestation. But good thing you didn't get bitten.
tonyfan00 38
DAT CAT IS S SPAH!!!!!
Nat52482 25
Aw..I wanna pet a friendly raccoon...
spencerstoaker 7
Pocahontas, is that you?
kate_themediocre 6
That's what I was thinking. OP is obviously a Disney princess