Today, my wife, who knows I'm attracted to women with long hair just like 95% of men, instead of growing her hair long, said she is going to stop being friends with any women who have long hair because she doesn't want me to be attracted to them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML
Today, my wife is angry with me because after she'd convinced me to grow out my hair, it exposed my receding hairline. I shaved my head to the same appearance as when she married me, so I could feel more comfortable with my own body. FML
Today, my wife of over 20 years told me she wants a divorce because she wants "a change in life." She has had the same mullet haircut since '84. FML
Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML
Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not." FML
Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML
Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML
Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML
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Top comments
PhoenixChick 26
Since you are shallow and selfish enough to take it for granted that your wife would change her appearance to meet your tastes, I think she was right to expect you are selfish and shallow enough to be tempted by long-haired women she might be around.
LadyRen 20
Did you know 95% of sats are made up?
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Comments (14)
PhoenixChick 26
Since you are shallow and selfish enough to take it for granted that your wife would change her appearance to meet your tastes, I think she was right to expect you are selfish and shallow enough to be tempted by long-haired women she might be around.
justpickone 12
um...no. You can like something without being controlled by it...lol. Not everyone has that low of self esteem
tounces7 28
I think that he just expected it to be more likely than the option she chose.
Sinshine 28
Well, slightly adjusting your look to be more attractive to your partner should be more likely than demanding they completely avoid social contact almost half of the population... let's say a third just because I don't know any statistics on how many women have short hair. But the way this is worded doesn't make OP look good either, I agree.
mssileas 25
Right? Love how people claim she's the only unreasonable one here lmao Yeah it's drastic, but you don't just grow out hair. Some people don't have nice hair to begin with, it's annoying, it's tedious, it's hot in the summer, if it's thick hair the sheer mass gives you scalp- and headaches, care for it is expensive if you wanna do it right (and if you don't do it right, back to the start where it's easier to just cut it off), it clogs the drains, it ruins vacuums - but he's attracted to it and apparently so are all other dudebros and that's what's important LOL. Nice he mentioned that because he already knew people were gonna tell him that no one cares, but we all feel stronger in numbers
LadyRen 20
Did you know 95% of sats are made up?
mekiswrite 21
I thought it was 77%?
BurnInDemonFire 39
You're both wrong. It's 86.3%.
Mungolikecandy 19
97.65%
raven_of_azarath 35
I’m pretty sure your stat there is made up. That’s like saying 95% of women are attracted to men with long beards. I’ve had short hair for 6 years now and have not had guys say they didn’t like me because of it. It’s not about the style alone, it’s about how the person wears it. I look better with short hair, other people look better with long.
LolCandy 27
You have no idea how much effort, headache, and stress long hair is. As well, you are an asshole for dropping hints that you don’t find your wife sexy instead of discussing the possibility of her growing out her hair with her. YDI
icalledhisname 12
False. If you know how to care for it correctly, long hair is easier. I wash my hair every two weeks (it stays clean because my scalp is healthy), I can put it up in 10 seconds or less, and I know how to wear it to distribute the weight so there’s no pain. Knowledge is power. My hair is past my butt. My hair is way higher maintenance when short. However, that FML poster is still a jerk.
zeffra13 31
icalledhisname, as someone who was forced to have long hair my entire childhood, good for you but that's rarely the case. I have very fine hair that often retangles immediately & is incredibly prone to static, so especially in winter it gets caught on everything (car door, purse strap, watch, bracelet, someone else, etc) unless it's braided, & it's very good at coming out of braids. Plus I have glasses & it gets caught in the hinge every day. It gets in the way at work when long, I had to stick the braids down my shirt & hope they didn't fall out or else they'd get caught in fans, get wet, etc. My boss keeps hers in a bun when long but I've never been able to get it to stay more than an hour or so, & I'm not going to stop work every hour to fix my hair. My hair is also very pale & not particularly visible as an individual strand so it often has the "what's tickling me" effect & good luck finding it. It's literally had people tell me they don't want me visiting because apparently my lost strands lurk on their furniture for days to attack them. But obviously my dad is right, "other than brushing/washing it, there's nothing to complain about."
ojosRojos 28
icalledhisname, you sound like more of an exception than a rule. My hair is 100% easier to maintain when shorter. I have to wash it every other day (with dry shampoo on the “off” days), and my scalp is perfectly healthy too. Count your blessings that you’ve been blessed by the hair gods.
Aphrodite 20
It’s a good thing you mentioned that she was your wife. Because from reading this I would’ve just assumed you were a couple of 14 year olds.
RichardPencil 32
I hope she befriends a woman with short hair and big ****! That’ll serve her right.
blueknight1st 26
Did you pull that 95% out of your ass or is it grounded in reality?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Okay fellow dudes, quick poll: Thumbs down if you date women because they have long hair, thumbs up if you feel you need more than that to be compatible.
alycion 39
I have long hair. It’s a pain in the ass to deal with sometimes. I also have Lupus. There two combined make taking care of it very tiring. If she wants it short, so be it. But negative comments or comparisons will stick with a person longer than you realize.
Mungolikecandy 19
You want your wife to change because of your preference. I get the impression there is more to the story and you must have really been pushing for her to grow long hair and going on about how attracted to such women you are for her to take the action she has taken. Long hair is difficult to maintain and also gets in the way,