Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
gjikvtj 18
Hey, at least it didn't bite you
EverestMelting 23
"Come snuggle with momma!"
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Comments (135)
Lunasis 14
raccoon needs love too :D
lilypearl 11
At least he added the sexy part
Omniprism 15
That's hilarious and very sweet that it felt very comfortable with you. Recently my 2yo niece had a nice interaction with a wild birdie. It came right up to her a let her pet it. Amazing.
LoganEdJ 11
That's actually better than petting a cat if you ask me.... Are you a Disney princess in hiding?
skyeyez9 25
This fml needs to be illustrated!
worldclassrager 41
Is your cat even an outdoor cat?
suri23 11
Healthy raccoons don't normally want to get close to humans. I'd be worried about it being rabid, tbh.
Stuffaluffagus 25
Must not have been that wild if he came up to you
xoxostitchesxoxo 5
I don't see what your complaining about, that sounds awesome
ooft 8
Should have gone to specsavers