Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
gjikvtj 18
Hey, at least it didn't bite you
EverestMelting 23
"Come snuggle with momma!"
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Comments (135)
Saraishi 25
Glasses are the way to go for you OP.
thegoldenbird 11
Dude...how is that bad???? If I found out that I was petting a racoon, I would be bragging!!!
AvatheAvacodo 9
No matter what people are saying, do not keep it as a pet. A raccoon almost killed my cat this morning at 5:30 AM
JasonTodd55 15
Raccoons are so cute! Your lucky he didn't bite you though
xxsakuraxx 29
That is so cool! My aunt Joann use to have an outdoor pet raccoon. He never came inside, and she never tried to claim him or bring him in. He just hung out in the trees around her yard most of the time. When he wanted attention and her dogs weren't out, he would come up to us like he thought he was a cat and demand to be petted.
rocket23 7
Choot'em
Likian5 26
Well hey, now you can tell your friends you once pet a racoon. They'll think you're some kind of badass.
eff_me_twice 3
you are the animal whisperer!!!
SlaySzn 4
That is so cool!
ballerinaaub 17
I read that your "car" came up...