Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML
Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML
Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
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Top comments
iFizzgig 11
You were dropping a hint.
ohmandapants 17
Well now they know you're getting laid.
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Comments (146)
Kelli_Rose 0
ok, now THAT is funny. you gotta admit it :)
perdix 31
She'll know you are Semper Paratus. I'll bet she'll call, Marine! Hoo-hah!!!
badactor009 0
Semper Paratus is the Coast Guard's motto.
jaff23 11
did she call you then?
ellakacyme22 6
Good thing is she knows you are a responsible ******.
YoushowedMe 0
Cause u were actually gonna return the condoms if they didn't fit. Sure.
badactor009 0
No, guys don't do that. If the condom does not fit we use the rest of the pack for miscellaneous mischief. We are guys. That's how we roll. We don't return sex toys either. Some are a total rip off but some are worth their weight in gold. Tell me I am wrong.
YoushowedMe 0
It was sarcastic .. But alright.
FrankHotpants 31
Nothing wrong with that...a mans got to buy his shit...jus like a woman giving her number to a guy on a tampon receipt.
badactor009 0
That's right. A man has to buy his man stuff. No excuse should to be offered. At least that chick would know that she is going to see a guy who might know how to show a girl a good time. That chick should realize how lucky she is and frame that receipt.
Vannarae 0
It better say magnum somewhere or no call back lol
legitimmeee 0
If she's looking for a guys that's "pure" you wont be it
badactor009 0
But she might be looking for a guy who knows how to show a girl a good time.
ndhin831 2
"That isn't mine! That stuff's not my bag baby!"
badactor009 0
No excuse should be offered. A man has to buy man stuff from time to time. Now, if the receipt also had **** mags, a bag of Doritos and a six pack of beer, that might look bad.
KiddNYC1O 22
Hahahahaha.